Latest David D. Burns Quotes from Interviews

Quotes about:

• Guilt is not the best way to remedy your mistakes.

  David D. Burns

  Mistake, Guilt, Way

  Source: time.com

• Forgiving yourself, not guilt, increases personal accountability.

  David D. Burns

  Personal Accountability, Forgiving, Guilt

  Source: time.com

• You're not a bad person. But you sometimes do bad things. You know what that makes you? Human.

  David D. Burns

  Sometimes, Humans, Persons

  Source: time.com

• When we're rational about rule-breaking we set a limit. You don't get 30 years in prison for a traffic ticket. But sometimes you sentence yourself to months or years of emotional pain over minor offenses.

  David D. Burns

  Pain, Emotional, Years

  Source: time.com

• Regret has a purpose. It's like the oil light on the dashboard of your life, telling you something needs to be fixed. So fix it. And feel better.

  David D. Burns

  Regret, Feel Better, Light

  Source: time.com

• Learn to accept your limits and you'll become a happier person.

  David D. Burns

  Limits, Accepting, Persons

  David D. Burns (1980). “Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy”

• Don't apologize for what you think you did wrong. Apologize for what they think you did wrong.

  David D. Burns

  Thinking, Apologizing

  Source: time.com

• Forgive yourself and be ready to forgive yourself in the future. You're gonna screw up. It's okay.

  David D. Burns

  Forgiving, Screw Ups, Forgive Yourself

  Source: time.com

• Apologies do make a difference. Believe it or not, research shows people often prefer them over money.

  David D. Burns

  Believe, Apology, Differences

  Source: time.com

• You're human. You'll screw up. Denying that is crazy. Forgiving yourself has all the benefits of self-esteem without making you a narcissist that's out of touch with reality.

  David D. Burns

  Crazy, Self Esteem, Reality

  Source: time.com

• If you're self-compassionate, you'll tend to have higher self-esteem than if you're endlessly self-critical. And like high self-esteem - self-compassion is associated with significantly less anxiety and depression, as well as more happiness, optimism, and positive emotions.

  David D. Burns

  Self Esteem, Compassion, Optimism

  Source: time.com

• Guilt doesn't help. What should fill in for it? Remorse. Remorse is when you feel bad about what you did. Guilt is when you feel bad about who you are.

  David D. Burns

  Guilt, Helping, Should

  Source: time.com

• Accept yourself. But realize your behaviors can be bad.

  David D. Burns

  Realizing, Behavior, Accepting Yourself

  Source: time.com

• What is the point of abusing yourself with guilt in the first place? If you did make a mistake and act in a hurtful way, your guilt won't reverse your blunder in some magical manner. It won't speed your learning processes so as to reduce the chance you'll make the same mistake in the future. Other people won't love and respect you more because you are feeling guilty and putting yourself down in this manner. Nor will your guilt lead to productive living. So what's the point?

  David D. Burns

  Mistake, People, Feelings

  Source: time.com

• It's irrational to assume you can ever truly evaluate yourself as a good or bad human being. You will never have enough information.That "bad person" at work who torments you might be an excellent father to his kids. That other "bad person" at work who screwed up royally today? That error might later lead to a huge breakthrough. We will never have enough info to holistically evaluate a person and score them in totality as "bad" or "good."

  David D. Burns

  Father, Kids, Errors

  Source: time.com

• Can you predict the future with absolute certainty? Your answer must be no. You have two options: You can either decide to accept yourself as an imperfect human being with limited knowledge and realize that you will at times make mistakes, or you can hate yourself for it.

  David D. Burns

  Hate, Mistake, Two

  Source: time.com

• If a hungry lion suddenly appeared, you'd be terrified. So terrified you'd probably run away. Great, fear's doing its job. But you might get so afraid that you lock up and can't move. This would be very bad. Guilt's the same. It can prevent you from fixing the situation, make you feel so bad you can't function at 100% and even lead to more guilt-provoking bad behavior.

  David D. Burns

  Running, Jobs, Moving

  Source: time.com

• More often than not, the belief that you are bad contributes to the "bad" behavior. Change and learning occur most readily when you (a) recognize that an error has occurred and (b) develop a strategy for correcting the problem. An attitude of self-love and relaxation facilitates this, whereas guilt often interferes.

  David D. Burns

  Attitude, Errors, Behavior Change

  David D. Burns (1980). “Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy”

• Surprisingly, it's forgiveness, not guilt, that increases accountability. Researchers have found that taking a self-compassionate point of view on a personal failure makes people more likely to take personal responsibility for the failure than when they take a self-critical point of view. They also are more willing to receive feedback and advice from others, and more likely to learn from the experience.

  David D. Burns

  Responsibility, Self, Views

  Source: time.com

• What sentence will you choose to impose on yourself? Are you willing to stop suffering and making yourself miserable when your sentence has expired? This would at least be a responsible way to punish yourself because it would be time-limited.

  David D. Burns

  Suffering, Would Be, Way

  David D. Burns (1980). “Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy”

• People who are prone to guilt tend to work harder and perform better than people who are not guilt-prone, and are perceived to be more capable leaders.

  David D. Burns

  Hard Work, People, Leader

  Source: time.com

• People who expect to feel guilty tend to be more sympathetic, to put themselves into other people's shoes, to think about the consequences of their behaviour before acting, and to treasure their morals. As a result they are less prone to lie, cheat or behave immorally when they conduct a business deal or spot an opportunity to make money, studies suggest. They are also likely to make better employees because people who think less about the future results of their actions are more likely to be late, to steal or to be rude to clients.

  David D. Burns

  Lying, Opportunity, Thinking

  Source: time.com

• Despite their differences, pride, shame, and guilt all activate similar neural circuits, including the dorsomedial prefrontal cortex, amygdala, insula, and the nucleus accumbens. Interestingly, pride is the most powerful of these emotions at triggering activity in these regions - except in the nucleus accumbens, where guilt and shame win out. This explains why it can be so appealing to heap guilt and shame on ourselves - they're activating the brain's reward center.

  David D. Burns

  Powerful, Pride, Winning

  Source: time.com

• Guilt serves a powerful social function in terms of policing our behavior.

  David D. Burns

  Powerful, Guilt, Behavior

  Source: time.com