During a heat wave every dude stinks.
It's better to have a broken CD player that worked once than to never have evolved into a self-aware carbon based lifeform.
Don’t put clothes on food. It’s supposed to be naked.
The only good excuse for not succeeding is DEATH! Unless you're trying to be a ghost. Then it's LIFE!
Nothing is perfect. Therefore, being perfect is being nothing… and that's a great way to lose weight.
Cars and bumper cars are two very different things. NEVER sleep in a bumper car.
Always go to the bathroom before you ‘go’ to the bathroom.
Everything is optional.
Somethings are illegal.
And some things are really gross.
Failure is not an option. It just happens all the time. Like, all the time.
The grass is always greener when it's covered in money.
People alive are better than people not alive.
If you're gonna lob something, lob love.
Are imperfections is which make we grate.
Options are good. Keeps people choosing.
I love it when the coffee's done!
Theres nothing to fear but
fears themselves, such as monsters,
rejection, food poisoning, redundancy,
monsters, and oxford commas.
The good thing about living like me is everywhere you go is a step up.
I'd choose truth over cake but I'd try to find a way to get both to be honest.
Bird Poop in the mouth is always a surprise.
Things that don't exist do exist. They're just really fast.
Be cautious of bears at all times, even when being mauled by a tiger.
Visiting Saturn sounds like a lot of fun but you will die!
It's better to have won & lost than to have won, stopped trying, & descended into alcoholism.
Never put a foot down in the middle of a foot rub.
Blanket statements are always stupid. NO EXCEPTIONS!
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