It was as if the news itself wanted to reassure me. Even Jack the Ripper himself had reappeared as part of the greeting committee.
Hey! Jack the Wanker! Over here! I want your autograph!
Boo: "Go talk to her." Callum: "About what?" Boo: "Anything." Callum: "You want me to walk up to her and say, 'Are you a ghost?'" Boo: "I do that." Callum: "I love it when you get it wrong.
We heard her come halfway up the stairs, where she must have seen the bedroom light on. Again, the normal parent reaction would have been to say something like, "You had better come out this moment or I am releasing the tiger!" But Debbie was not a normal parent, so we heard her gigle and creep away, saying, "Shhh! Rachel! Come with Mommy! Stuart is busy!
Claim whatever you want. Say you only want a happy family or a successful career or a big house. I say: no, that's not what you want. You'll settle for those things, but you really want a monkey that does your evil bidding. Pullman is a genius just for this.
I knew it was beautiful, but knowing something is beautiful and caring about it are two very different things, and I didn't care.
Debbie had to get up and slice me a thick piece of cake before she could answer. And I do mean thick. Harry Potter volume seven thick. I could have knocked out a burglar with this piece of cake. Once I tasted it, though, it seemed just the right size.
I envisioned huge piles of the Elf Hotel flying off the belt, taking down everybody in sight. I had seen pictures of that Elf Hotel - it had sharp candy-cane spires that could easily impale someone. If anyone was ever going to be killed by an Elf Hotel, it would be my parents.
Go see old virgins! Now ask a strange boy out, you shy, Retarded thing!
Salt. Wound. Together at last.
Just then, my phone started ringing. The ring must have been damaged by the water as well, so now it had a high, keening note - kind of the sound I imagine a mermaid might make if you punched her in the face.
I have no phobias. Phobias are irrational. My fears are rational and CAREFULLY CULTIVATED, like roses.
This wasn't a position she wanted to be in. And yet . . . yet she knew that she was going to do it anyway.
It could have been like a fairy tale. But fairy tales aren't real. Things don't work like that. There's a price for everything.
We learn that many great thinkers were convinced that the Bible contained the Ancient Mysteries, but not in the literal words—that the words on the pages were codes, and that the Bible is comprised of heavy-handed and useless story covering up something much more important and interesting. I get the feeling that [Dan Brown] is trying to tell me something, but I am not biting, reader.
Lecturing Brooks was as useful as lecturing a cat.
A pause while my mother made high-pitched sisterly devotions of gratitude.
I'm Keith," he said, "and you're . . . clearly mad, but what's your name?
She didn't even notice right away that a small animal had come out from behind a nearby car and was slowly making its way toward the trash can she was standing near. She flipped through some old files in her mind, trying to come up with what this thing might be, and after a few seconds decided that--impossible as it seemed--it was a fox.
Nothing was quite like it was supposed to be.
There is nothing about a bad situation that fourteen hyper cheerleaders can't worsen.
I realize Jubilee is a bit of a stripper name. You probably think I have heard the call of the pole.
It makes you very cool," he said, taking big, jumping steps to get in front of me. "CNN would interview you, for sure. Daughter of Flobie! But don't worry. I'll keep them back!
Also, when on a campaign to convince a stranger that you aren't a few fries short of a Happy Meal, throwing around phrases like "tangentially Swedish" is not the best way to go.
What tinfoil?" he asked.
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