Top Gear Quotes

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  Speed has never killed anyone. Suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you.

  Jeremy Clarkson

  Love, Motor Racing, Car

  72 Copy quote

• Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More comfortable than what BEING STABBED?

  Jeremy Clarkson

  Cool Cars, Comfortable

  "Top Gear: Series 8". TV Series, May 7, 2006.

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• This car is more fun than the entire French air force crashing into a firework factory.

  Jeremy Clarkson

  Fun, Air, Car

  18 Copy quote

• I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

  Jeremy Clarkson

  People, Poor, Lanes

  6 Copy quote

• Some say that he has no understanding of clouds, and that his ear wax tastes like Turkish Delight. All we know is he’s called the Stig.

  Jeremy Clarkson

  Clouds, Understanding, Taste

  3 Copy quote

• A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.

  Jeremy Clarkson

  Faster, Cool Cars, Witchcraft

  35 Copy quote

• Supercars are supposed to run over Arthur Scargill and then run over him again for good measure. They are designed to melt ice caps, kill the poor, poison the water table, destroy the ozone layer, decimate indigenous wildlife, recapture the Falkland Islands and turn the entire third world into a huge uninhabitable desert, all that before they nicked all the oil in the world.

  Jeremy Clarkson

  Running, Oil, Islands

  "Top Gear", October 31, 2004.

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• The air conditioning in Lamborghinis used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

  Jeremy Clarkson

  Air, Dashboards, Sitting

  4 Copy quote

• I'm sorry, but having an Aston Martin DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch.

  Jeremy Clarkson

  Sorry, Sleep, Bed

  Jeremy Clarkson (2009). “Driven to Distraction”, p.102, Penguin UK

  48 Copy quote

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• It couldn't pull a greased
  stick out of a pig's bottom

  Jeremy Clarkson

  Pigs, Sticks, Cool Cars

  3 Copy quote

• Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really work. It's like making a hard core adult film, and then editing it so that it can be shown in British hotels. You'd just end up with a sort of half hour close up of some bloke's sweaty face.

  Jeremy Clarkson

  Editing, Car, Racing

  "Top Gear". TV Series, www.imdb.com.

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• This is the Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that's much to shout about. That's like saying “Ooh good I've got syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases.”

  Jeremy Clarkson

  Sexually Transmitted Diseases, People, Syphilis

  "Top Gear: Series 8". TV Series, May 7, 2006.

  50 Copy quote

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• Mexican cars are just going to be lazy, feckless, flatulent, overweight, leaning against a fence asleep looking at a cactus with a blanket with a hole in the middle on as a coat.

  Richard Hammond

  Car, Mexican, Lazy

  "Mexican anger over BBC 'feckless, lazy' claims" by Simon Hooper, www.cnn.com. February 2, 2011.

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• Some say his droppings have been found as far north as York, and that he has a full size tattoo of his face, on his face. All we know is he’s called the Stig.

  Jeremy Clarkson

  Tattoo, Size, Faces

  "Top Gear", July 13, 2008.

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• Driving most supercars is like trying to manhandle a cow up a back staircase, but this is like smearing honey onto Keira Knightley.

  Jeremy Clarkson

  Trying, Honey, Cows

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• Ooh good I've got syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases.

  Jeremy Clarkson

  Sexually Transmitted Diseases, Syphilis, Cool Cars

  5 Copy quote

• In the olden days I always got the impression that TVR built a car, put it on sale, and then found out how it handled. Usually when one of their customers wrote to the factory complaining about how dead he was.

  Jeremy Clarkson

  Car, Complaining, Factories

  3 Copy quote

• The problem is that television executives have got it into their heads that if one presenter on a show is a blonde-haired, blue-eyed heterosexual boy, the other must be a black Muslim lesbian.

  Jeremy Clarkson

  Boys, Blue, Black

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• Telling people at a dinner party you drive a Nissan Almera is like telling them you've got the Ebola virus and you're about to sneeze.

  Jeremy Clarkson

  Party, Ebola, People

  10 Copy quote

• Now we get quite a lot of complaints that we don't feature enough affordable cars on the show so we'll kick off tonight with the cheapest Ferrari of them all!

  Jeremy Clarkson

  Car, Ferrari, Tonight

  11 Copy quote

• The Suzuki Wagon R should be avoided like unprotected sex with an Ethiopian transvestite

  Jeremy Clarkson

  Sex, Wagons, Should

  15 Copy quote

• If there's one thing I can't stand, it's not being noticed.

  Steve Sabol

  Holy Grail, One Piece, Quarterback

  "Personal Quotes/ Biography". www.imdb.com.

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• This is just the happiest car in the world! I shall call it Oliver! Not that we'd ever name a car on Top Gear. I wish I hadn't said that.

  Richard Hammond

  Names, Car, Wish

  "Top Gear: Botswana Special". Comedy, Talk-Show, November 04, 2007.

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• I rang up Jay Kay, who's got one, and said: 'Can we borrow yours?' and he said, 'Yeah, if I can borrow your daughter, because it amounts to the same thing.'

  Jeremy Clarkson

  Daughter, Yeah, Said

  2 Copy quote

• Some say he isn’t machine washable, and all his potted plants are called ‘Steve’. All we know is he’s called the Stig.

  Richard Hammond

  Machines, Plant, Stig

  "Top Gear" with Richard Hammond, March 04, 2007.

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