I keep going because if you stop, you stop. Why retire? Inspire.
You always pass failure on the way to success.
Dont retire - inspire...Theres a lot to be done
Had I been brighter, the ladies been gentler, the Scotch been weaker, had the gods been kinder, had the dice been hotter, this could have been a one-sentence story: Once upon a time I lived happily ever after.
I don't regret anything I've ever done. I only wish I could have done more.
Now. Now is the most important time of all of your young lives. And what does now stand for - N-O-W? No Other Way. That's the only time - NOW!
Someone once asked me what I want on my epitaph when I pass away. Just the words 'I tried.' That's what this game of life is all about. Trying. There's the tryers, the criers, and the liars.
Look, I come from vaudeville, I come from burlesque, I come from heartaches, I come from sadness, I come from gladness, I come from work and sweat and respect for the craft.
I hear Jerry Falwell every Sunday here talking about the devil and Hollywood. . . . I'm gonna write him a letter. Hollywood wasn't built on filth and dirt - it was built on talent.
I'm the only man in the world with a marriage licence made out to whom it may concern.
When I was 19 years old, I was the number one star of the world for two years; when I was 40, nobody wanted me; I couldn't get a job.
Hey kids! Let's put on a show!
On Hollywood turning its back on him: I wasn't in the club. You see, I'm not going to be a stroker. I never have been all my life.
Clark Gable once said to me, "'Acting school?' [If you go,] I'll kill ya!"
To those seniors, and especially elderly veterans like myself, I want to tell you this: You are not alone, and you having nothing to be ashamed of. If elder abuse happened to me, it can happen to anyone. I want you to know that you deserve better.
The audience and I are friends. They allowed me to grow up with them. I've let them down several times. They've let me down several times. But we're all family.
A lot of people have asked me how short I am. Since my last divorce, I think I'm about $100,000 short.
I buy women shoes and they use them to walk away from me.
I was a thirteen-year-old boy for thirty years.
When I open a refrigerator door and the light goes on, I want to perform.
It's confusing. I've had so many wives and so many children I don't know which house to go to first on Christmas.
The film The Last Temptation of Christ, no matter what its defenders say, was a slap in the face to Christians everywhere.
Life is an infiltration course. We all try and get through it. We all try and get through it unscathed - maybe not hurt, not bruised. No bones broken, maybe a few hearts here and there.
I belong to the public. The public made me. The public can break me. I owe them my life.
And that's the way I have always lived, for the laughs – today. N-O-W. No Other Way.
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