I keep going because if you stop, you stop. Why retire? Inspire.
You always pass failure on the way to success.
Always get married in the morning. That way if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted the whole day.
And that's the way I have always lived, for the laughs – today. N-O-W. No Other Way.
Dont retire - inspire...Theres a lot to be done
Had I been brighter, the ladies been gentler, the Scotch been weaker, had the gods been kinder, had the dice been hotter, this could have been a one-sentence story: Once upon a time I lived happily ever after.
I hear Jerry Falwell every Sunday here talking about the devil and Hollywood. . . . I'm gonna write him a letter. Hollywood wasn't built on filth and dirt - it was built on talent.
Look, I come from vaudeville, I come from burlesque, I come from heartaches, I come from sadness, I come from gladness, I come from work and sweat and respect for the craft.
I don't regret anything I've ever done. I only wish I could have done more.
To those seniors, and especially elderly veterans like myself, I want to tell you this: You are not alone, and you having nothing to be ashamed of. If elder abuse happened to me, it can happen to anyone. I want you to know that you deserve better.
Now. Now is the most important time of all of your young lives. And what does now stand for - N-O-W? No Other Way. That's the only time - NOW!
I'm the only man in the world with a marriage licence made out to whom it may concern.
Hey kids! Let's put on a show!
Someone once asked me what I want on my epitaph when I pass away. Just the words 'I tried.' That's what this game of life is all about. Trying. There's the tryers, the criers, and the liars.
When I was 19 years old, I was the number one star of the world for two years; when I was 40, nobody wanted me; I couldn't get a job.
A lot of people have asked me how short I am. Since my last divorce, I think I'm about $100,000 short.
On Hollywood turning its back on him: I wasn't in the club. You see, I'm not going to be a stroker. I never have been all my life.
Clark Gable once said to me, "'Acting school?' [If you go,] I'll kill ya!"
I buy women shoes and they use them to walk away from me.
The audience and I are friends. They allowed me to grow up with them. I've let them down several times. They've let me down several times. But we're all family.
Women liked me because I made them laugh.
I'm 74 but I feel like I'm 35. And it isn't work. You know what it is? It's fun, absolute fun. I don't know many people who are fortunate enough to be in a business like that.
I've been short all my life. And if anyone wonders what my dying wish will be, they can stop wondering. That will be easy. I'll just tell them, 'I'll have a short bier.'
I've been coming back like a rubber ball for years.
I just want to be a professional. I couldn't live without acting.
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