Honestly, sometimes I get really fed up of my subconscious - it's like it's got a mind of its own.
This is the band Radical Posture, and my name is Alexei Yuri Gagarin Siege of Stalingrad Glorious Five-Year Plan Sputnik Pravda Moscow Dynamo Back Four Balowski. Me Dad was a bit of a Communist, know what I mean?
People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.
Yuri Gagarin, the first man in space, may have had his charms, but he really couldn't be considered hip.
If you travel to the States... they have a lot of different words than like what we use. For instance: they say 'elevator', we say 'lift'; they say 'drapes', we say 'curtains'; they say 'president', we say 'seriously deranged git.'
There's a part of me that still hates everything, and my natural view default setting is still very cynical and dark
Americans have different ways of saying things. They say 'elevator', we say 'lift'... they say 'President', we say 'stupid psychopathic git.
A lot of those comics can't hold down relationships and they've got no other life apart from performing. They sleep in their Jags and a lot of them can't even talk. All they can do is tell gags.
Israel is the Jimmy Saville of nation states,
If sitcoms were easy to write, there'd be a lot of good ones, and there aren't.
It seems easier to make a career out of comedy now than it was in the 1980s.
If someone starts agreeing with me, I don't like it. Out of pique, I become something else.
I did six series for the BBC and that was enough. I've been writing for ten years, which is more challenging artistically.
I'm sure a psychologist would see something highly significant in how absent-minded I am. I mean I'd forget my head if it wasn't attached to my neck by muscles, ligaments and my esophagus.
Even a blind dog can find a bone every so often.
I like the south of Spain, notably for the Moorish influence and the weather.
I suppose the common idea of me is that I'm going to be someone who's hyper and cracking jokes all the time, but people who meet me are soon disabused of that notion.
I think that my ideas of the world are that it's random and cruel but kind of quite comical really, and therefore the humour, in a sense, springs from that.
People used to think I was just a shouty comic but I was doing stuff about Sartre.
Most of my friends are women - I quite fancied being a woman in a way.
If I won the lottery I'd start a charity that helped little family hardware stores, cobblers and fruit shops open in city centres.
Now, as a comic, if you're vaguely amusing you can go straight into TV, then you play the O2 and then everyone's sick of you.
I liked 35 and in both my novels that is the age of the lead characters. I tried making them my age but they just seemed to keep moaning about stuff.
For me, the showbiz memoir is uninteresting - you want to tell people something they don't know about.
I have a lot of nice Italian winter clothes that make me look like a sophisticated Lebanese professor, so my friend Robert and I go around pretending to be experts in Arabic politics. It doesn't work in the summer though. I don't have the right clothes.
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