Honestly, sometimes I get really fed up of my subconscious - it's like it's got a mind of its own.
This is the band Radical Posture, and my name is Alexei Yuri Gagarin Siege of Stalingrad Glorious Five-Year Plan Sputnik Pravda Moscow Dynamo Back Four Balowski. Me Dad was a bit of a Communist, know what I mean?
If you travel to the States... they have a lot of different words than like what we use. For instance: they say 'elevator', we say 'lift'; they say 'drapes', we say 'curtains'; they say 'president', we say 'seriously deranged git.'
People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.
Americans have different ways of saying things. They say 'elevator', we say 'lift'... they say 'President', we say 'stupid psychopathic git.
There's a part of me that still hates everything, and my natural view default setting is still very cynical and dark
Yuri Gagarin, the first man in space, may have had his charms, but he really couldn't be considered hip.
A lot of those comics can't hold down relationships and they've got no other life apart from performing. They sleep in their Jags and a lot of them can't even talk. All they can do is tell gags.
Israel is the Jimmy Saville of nation states,
Even a blind dog can find a bone every so often.
I feel sorry for many politicians we expect them to be completely consistent and moralised when we're not.
If I won the lottery I'd start a charity that helped little family hardware stores, cobblers and fruit shops open in city centres.
If sitcoms were easy to write, there'd be a lot of good ones, and there aren't.
I think that my ideas of the world are that it's random and cruel but kind of quite comical really, and therefore the humour, in a sense, springs from that.
I have a lot of nice Italian winter clothes that make me look like a sophisticated Lebanese professor, so my friend Robert and I go around pretending to be experts in Arabic politics. It doesn't work in the summer though. I don't have the right clothes.
I liked 35 and in both my novels that is the age of the lead characters. I tried making them my age but they just seemed to keep moaning about stuff.
I always thought communism was crap, really.
However, my problems with my memory are further complicated by the fact that while I don't have any recollection of things I have actually done, I have very vivid recollections of loads of things that I haven't done.
Everyone I used to work with is still alive and can afford expensive lawyers.
The optimum frequency with which comedians should do a series is every year. I do one every three years. My audience is literally dying off.
For me, the showbiz memoir is uninteresting - you want to tell people something they don't know about.
Most of the Communists I knew were nice people.
I've been going to Granada for many years and 12 years ago bought a house a few miles outside the city.
It always seemed to be a constant that my parents were political.
As a comic, you try something and if it works you go with it and grind it to death.
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