I need - and occasionally love - to write for the same reasons I always did: hard as writing is, it's generally easier than life.
The art and act of writing - speaking just for myself - involves getting your proverbial ass in the proverbial chair.
How do you write when you're not miserable? The solution, of course, is to make yourself miserable about not writing.
I always tell myself, when I remember the non-stop self-generated hell party that used to be my life, I wouldn't be here if I didn't go there.
I think it's just too kinda juicy and compelling to imagine people in their private lives, but then half the time people's private lives are just so much more bizarre and Ted Haggard-like than you could ever imagine. It's almost hard to write fiction anymore.
I didn't really start publishing books until I was 40 because I was busy being a McDonald's employee. So there's always a sense of trying to make up for lost time.
My own theory is that people are just so desperate for somebody they can feel better than, in America. Now that everyone's going broke and working 17 jobs - if they have one at all - at least they can look at these guys behind bars and think, "At least I get to wear my own clothes to work."
You can't really compare hells. But I suppose the hell of being strung out on another person's addictive behavior is its own special thing.
If you're an asshole, you have an excuse for being an asshole because you're a junkie. But then once you give up the drugs, and you're still an asshole, that's problematic.
I think there's a phenomenon of people who want to be around something that seems "dangerous." It makes them feel more real.
I always figured I myself would never be lucky enough to die, I'd just live on and on in this increasingly dreary spiral.
For me there was never a lot of glamor involved in being a junkie, it was about trying to hide the puke and bloodstains on my shirt.
You need an entire drama to construct your life around to avoid living it.
The traditional dictionary definition of the difference is that an alcoholic will steal your wallet in a blackout, come to, and apologize for it. A junkie will steal your wallet and then help you look for it. But ultimately I think all addictions boil down to just not being able to be with yourself for any long degree of time.
Junkies are liars. They have to be professionally.
I don't really know how to do much else besides write.
I used to say, for me, writing was like walking a high wire, and heroin made me forget there was no net. Which is a fancy way of saying dope made me forget how shitty I felt for being on dope.
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