If I only ran when nothing hurt, I would never run.
A mom and dad found an S&M magazine under their 10-year-old son's bed, and the dad said, 'Well, we sure can't spank him.'
I have no regrets. I wanted to raise the kids and be a present father. When I developed a movie, I was gone for a year. That didn't really work for me. That isn't fair to make these life-forms and then disappear.
You know, sometimes you can't just take an armadillo, put it in the barn, light it on fire and expect it to make licorice.
If she were a President, she'd be Babe-raham Lincoln!
The two things that can hurt you are if you need money or if you need fame. Those are the things that can be your Achilles' heel. But if you don't need money and you don't need fame, then you're free.
Describing comic sensibility is near impossible. It's sort of an abstract silliness, that sometimes the joke isn't the star.
It's almost like he's started to sound even more exotic the more people started doing him. I don't know why, but there's just something about Al Gore that makes me laugh.
I always tend to think of all of my shows as possibly my last show. I'm like a junior Springsteen, without the underbite.
I think ABC sort of hoped I would be really like Carol Burnett. I mean literally, I think.
You know ladies and gentlemen, a long time ago , there were lots of people, but that was a long time ago
When people come to see my stand-up, they get a chance to see my characters interact with each other.
I don't find biology as interesting as politics and humanism. I talk more about existential stuff.
I'm a friend of the CEO of Twitter and he showed me how to be on it, but it causes such an uproar if what you post is perceived in a negative light.
I got lucky. I won the San Francisco Stand-Up Comedy Competition in 1977 while I was still at San Francisco State.
I enjoy pushing my characters to the limit. No matter how far out there I go, I look for things that make the characters human.
After years of begging, I got my parents to get me a little Craig tape recorder, a reel to reel. Then I started recording voices, or recording Jonathan Winters off television and stuff like that.
I tried to go out for theater or theater arts, but I was too scared or too intimidated. But I had a lot of friends on the cross country team that had great senses of humor.
I've never really worked on them. Just once in a while one hits me and makes me laugh. My Al Gore was sort of like a gay Gomer Pyle.
I have this dream life where I get to be a celebrity but I get to navigate the world fairly easily because I'm always in character.
I know it's a cliche, but the whole family is just whacked. I mean, we're all out of our minds. They're the funniest, most eccentric bizarre people I've ever met, my siblings.
Am I not turtley enough for the Turtle Club? Turtle! Turtle!
I think free speech is probably the coolest thing we have in this country, and again, you can label it hate speech and dismiss it, and then you're allowed to censor it.
I'm thirty years old, but I read at the thirty-four-year-old level.
That's why modern corporate movie making has become so laborious that comedians are kind of kicked out by 50.
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