If I only ran when nothing hurt, I would never run.
I have no regrets. I wanted to raise the kids and be a present father. When I developed a movie, I was gone for a year. That didn't really work for me. That isn't fair to make these life-forms and then disappear.
A mom and dad found an S&M magazine under their 10-year-old son's bed, and the dad said, 'Well, we sure can't spank him.'
You know, sometimes you can't just take an armadillo, put it in the barn, light it on fire and expect it to make licorice.
The two things that can hurt you are if you need money or if you need fame. Those are the things that can be your Achilles' heel. But if you don't need money and you don't need fame, then you're free.
Describing comic sensibility is near impossible. It's sort of an abstract silliness, that sometimes the joke isn't the star.
It's almost like he's started to sound even more exotic the more people started doing him. I don't know why, but there's just something about Al Gore that makes me laugh.
If she were a President, she'd be Babe-raham Lincoln!
I think ABC sort of hoped I would be really like Carol Burnett. I mean literally, I think.
You know ladies and gentlemen, a long time ago , there were lots of people, but that was a long time ago
I'm a friend of the CEO of Twitter and he showed me how to be on it, but it causes such an uproar if what you post is perceived in a negative light.
I never read the tabloids.
Well, I loved variety in television, I loved sketch comedy. At 'Saturday Night Live,' I stayed almost seven years.
When people come to see my stand-up, they get a chance to see my characters interact with each other.
I always tend to think of all of my shows as possibly my last show. I'm like a junior Springsteen, without the underbite.
I did a lot of ridiculous television. Between 1980 and '85 I had no confidence, so I did everything I was told to do.
I have a theory that if you're famous more years than you're not famous, then you get a little nutty.
I really enjoy being a dad, and maybe I took it too seriously, but I love being around my kids.
I'm a real people-pleaser.
My characters all start with rhythms and sounds. Once I hear the voice and get into the rhythm, the attitude and the physicality just come out on their own.
I had auditioned for 'Saturday Night Live' two or three times before and never really saw myself there. I looked up to Belushi and Bill Murray and Aykroyd and I never saw myself as in their world.
I got lucky. I won the San Francisco Stand-Up Comedy Competition in 1977 while I was still at San Francisco State.
While many comics have a secret persona, I fundamentally want to be myself.
I've never really worked on them. Just once in a while one hits me and makes me laugh. My Al Gore was sort of like a gay Gomer Pyle.
Am I not turtley enough for the Turtle Club? Turtle! Turtle!
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