Jeff Stilson Quotes

• Yeah, we were in the game, until Jesus made me fumble. He hates our team.

  Jeff Stilson

  Jesus, Hate, Team

  "Comedy Central Presents: Jeff Stilson". Documentary, Comedy, 2003.

  9 Copy quote

• I had a linguistics professor who said that it's man's ability to use language that makes him the dominant species on the planet.That may be. But I think there's one other thing that separates us from animals. We aren't afraid of vaccuum cleaners.

  Jeff Stilson

  Funny, Animal, Men

  8 Copy quote

• I don't watch football anymore, I gave that up. I got tired of the interviews after the games, because the winning players always give credit to God, and the losers blame themselves. You know, just once I'd like to hear a player say, 'Yeah, we were in the game, until Jesus made me fumble. He hates our team.'

  Jeff Stilson

  Football, Jesus, Hate

  "Comedy Central Presents: Jeff Stilson". Documentary, Comedy, 2003.

  4 Copy quote

• Women are more verbal than men. That's why when you see an elderly couple together, it's always the man who has the hearing aid.

  Jeff Stilson

  Couple, Men, Elderly

  4 Copy quote

• There's only one thing that separates us from animals: We aren't afraid of vacuum cleaners.

  Jeff Stilson

  Animal, Vacuums, Cleaners

  8 Copy quote

• I'm not married. I hope to be someday so I can stop exercising.

  Jeff Stilson

  Marriage, Exercise, Married

  4 Copy quote

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