Susan Forward Quotes

• Many toxic parents compare one sibling unfavorably with another to make the target child feel that he's not doing enough to gain parental affection. This motivates the child to do whatever the parents want in order to regain their favor. This divide-and-conquer technique is often unleashed against children who become a little too independent, threatening the balance of the family system.

  Susan Forward

  Children, Sibling, Independent

  47 Copy quote

• Children who are not encouraged to do, to try, to explore, to master, and to risk failure, often feel helpless and inadequate. Over-controlled by anxious, fearful parents, these children often become anxious and fearful themselves. This makes it difficult for them to mature. Many never outgrow the need for ongoing parental guidance and control. As a result, their parents continue to invade, manipulate, and frequently dominate their lives.

  Susan Forward

  Children, Parent, Risk

  39 Copy quote

• When your lover is a liar, you and he have a lot in common, you're both lying to you!

  Susan Forward

  Liars, Lying, Infidelity

  20 Copy quote

• If there is one sweeping generalization I can make without fear of contradiction, it is that 'change' is the scariest word in the English language Nothing will change in our lives until we change our own behavior. Insight won't do it. Understanding why we do the self-defeating things we do won't make us stop doing them. Nagging and pleading with the other person to change won't do it. We have to act. We have to take the first step down a new road.

  Susan Forward

  Self, Understanding, Nagging

  15 Copy quote

• Criticism is the fountainhead of control.

  Susan Forward

  Criticism, Fountainhead

  13 Copy quote

• Unhealthy families discourage individual expression. Everyone must conform to the thoughts and actions of the toxic parents. They promote fusion, a blurring of personal boundaries, a welding together of family members. On an unconscious level, it is hard for family members to know where one ends and another begins. In their efforts to be close, they often suffocate one another's individuality.

  Susan Forward

  Expression, Effort, Parent

  23 Copy quote

• Love is a verb, not a noun. It is active. Love is not just feelings of passion and romance. It is behavior. If a man lies to you, he is behaving badly and unlovingly toward you. He is disrespecting you and your relationship. The words “I love you” are not enough to make up for that. Don't kid yourself that they are.

  Susan Forward

  Lying, Love You, Passion

  16 Copy quote

• Denial is the lid on our emotional pressure cooker: the longer we leave it on, the more pressure we build up. Sooner or later, that pressure is bound to pop the lid, and we have an emotional crisis.

  Susan Forward

  Emotional, Denial, Pressure

  "Toxic Parents". Book by Susan Forward, May 31, 2010.

  11 Copy quote

• Successful adult relationships, whether between lovers or
  friends, require a significant degree of vulnerability, trust,
  and openness-

  Susan Forward

  Successful, Adults, Degrees

  8 Copy quote

• Love is a verb, not a noun. It is active. Love is not just feelings of passion and romance. It is behavior.

  Susan Forward

  Passion, Love Is, Romance

  8 Copy quote

• Love involves more than just feelings. It is also a way of behaving. When Sandy said, "My parents don't know how to love me," she was saying that they don't know how to behave in loving ways. If you were to ask Sandy's parents, or almost any other toxic parents, if they love their children, most of them would answer emphatically that they do. Yet, sadly, most of their children have always felt unloved. What toxic parents call "love" rarely translates into nourishing, comforting behavior.

  Susan Forward

  Children, Healing, Parent

  6 Copy quote

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