Funnily enough, I feel the most free to be myself when I'm not doing my solo project. Whenever I'm in a situation when it's a side thing or it's something not so infused with my ego. When I'm all over everything, it's a big responsibility and half the time leaves me in some weird nether state of insecurity and doubt.
I love having the impulsivity to change course. I think it's key to keeping things fresh.
I procrastinate, and I push writing to the last available moment, because I don't like to settle on anything. I guess you can call it indecision or you can call it holding out for inspiration.
I always want to do something that just sort of fits the mood. It's supposed to help the song, it's not supposed to take away from the song or re-contextualize it. I always feel like the less you make it a conceptual territorial debut, the better.
You can pout about the way the world is as long as you want, but that's not going to change it. You've got to figure it out.
Everything comes with hard work. You never get to stop working. I don't see myself ever getting comfortable enough to not have to worry about working.
I definitely don't feel a sense of jealousy or competition, and that's a really good feeling.
I'm always gonna be in opposition no matter what, but I can still cover my bases and do what I like.
The ideal is to live forever, right? Or to live right now and just be grateful that I feel good. I'm definitely grateful for every second that I'm alive. At this point in my life, I definitely take time out throughout the day to just stop and be like, "Everything is cool." It's as good as it's gonna be, because it only gets worse.
It's really the creature of my own making from top to bottom. I appreciate that. And the good fortune, the perseverance, having the stamina to stick around longer than everyone else even after people write you off - that's always been a good motivating force in my life.
I don't work under the illusion that I'm the next whatever. Every time a record comes out, if it gets a good review, I'm like, "Well, one more year, guys. We bought ourselves another year".
I tried to just do things like make some money, be responsible, help out other artists who I see have had a similar path.
From day one, I was already famous in my own head. It didn't take anything to make me feel that way. I know I'm totally not famous. I mean, it just depends on your perspective.
It was not designed for me to be 35 and still doing the same thing. But in another sense, it's like I've had an extended adolescence. It helps that I look young, too.
For me, self-gratification eventually took a backseat to trying to do something collaborative with other people, to trying to make something new.
At 35, I'm thinking, Oh, I don't have any of that initial inspiration that I had before, all that angst. I always thought I would burn out very quickly.
I was just very into things that were the opposite of what other people liked. I didn't want to listen to music that I could find at a friend's house. My identity was really forged around that, and you know, eventually that kind of identity gets dismantled and fed to the vultures. But I was somehow on my own mission.
The first half of high school, I had a girlfriend, and then the second half I got to know these guys who would just get stoned and jam. I had struck the goth thing by then, but I still thought of myself as Ian Curtis or something.
I envisioned all these people who had been admired for having been freaks in their own time, and I saw myself in line with them.
The music usually occurs to me as a complete sound, and then I have developed the skill of being able to translate that into a fully realized song.
I had my gothy phase, but I was never a troublemaker or anything like that.
The things that keep me awake at night are things like textures and instrumentation and plotting out what things are going to do and what the sounds are that I'm trying to capture.
I think about music in the way that I heard music as a kid - like, Oh my god, there's this weird rubbery ball of undulating things.
I still have a very nonintellectual, nonjudgmental relationship with melody and the music as I hear it all in my head.
I do enjoy my solo time ... I want to stay home and do soundtracks and watch TV in my underwear with a keyboard on my lap and just be a couch potato.
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