Both creatively and organizationally, being medicated has helped me immensely. My career did not start until I was medicated. And then I can track - the years I was off medication, things dipped. And the years I went back on medication is when things started to get good for me again career wise. It is 100 percent in my case undeniable that being medicated helped my creativity.
The whole romanticized sad clown thing, we have to get rid of that. That has to go. That's just getting sick people to voluntarily stay sicker and sadder than they have to be.
For a few years all I listened to was The Smiths, Things Fall Apart by The Roots, Love Is Dead by The Mr. T Experience, Nostalgic for Nothing by J Church, and the first Servotron album No Room for Humans. And that was it. For two or three years, those are the albums I listened to. I just fell into this very bizarre phase where my head shut down on me. I just obsessed over things and those albums happened to be in that rotation of me obsessing over things.
I'm just trying to do my part before I get hit by a bus.
It's nice that I can go on the road and there are more people to buy tickets. There are also more people to piss off who might not buy a ticket if I say the wrong thing. But I have to remember that if I stifle what my gut tells me to say in the name of "What if that person doesn't buy a ticket someday?" that's just not how I came up or how I thought. I have to consciously remind myself that even though things are going better now, I still have to be who I've always been. I can't get gun shy or scared about that.
In music so many people who have been addicts or suicidal are legends. People have this mentality, still, of thinking that if they go take care of themselves then they won't be as creative as they used to be. But I think that's bullshit. I bought into that one for years and I regret it because when I first went on medications, I thought I wouldn't be funny anymore. I thought I'd have to figure out a new life path but at least I'd be alive. But it turns out that I'm actually way more funny and organized and able to have a career now that I'm able to have my head on straight.
Talking about the fact that I get depressed or that I've had some suicidal issues in my life is not easy. I don't know of many comedians who are going all in on that. In some sense, I think I've maybe sacrificed some momentum doing that. In another sense, I'm in a place where if I can talk about that and if it helps some kid in a way that gives them some help that wasn't available to me when I was a kid, then I gotta do that. Put being a good person first. If you have a platform, use it for stuff that's noble and good and worth putting out in the world.
I'm actually in a funny place now where I'm more secure than I've ever been. My career is more stable than it's ever been and that's nice, but it's put this thought in my mind where I'm like, "I have more to lose now." I still have to remind myself that I can't be quiet and back away from the things that have got me here, which is kind of doing it my way and not necessarily caring what the consequences are. A lot of that comes back to music.
Suicide - when I think of it, to me it means someone had a lot of problems and they couldn't fight through them anymore. That's not cowardly. It's sad and nothing but.
I really think suicide has a branding problem because it has a tagline. It has a catch phrase, and I bet a lot of us know it. It sucks. It's really condescending. I bet we've heard it. Suicide - the coward's way out.
We don't judge people for dying in car crashes. But we do judge people when they die of suicide.
There's many hundreds of millions of people who have jobs harder than comedians. And I also remind myself of that everyday. No matter how frustrating this can be, I'm very lucky that I've been able to cobble together a little life where this is what I do.
Even the prettiest performers and even the most handsome performers, when they get that opportunity, they still need to step up to the plate and deliver.
You need an immense amount of luck and an immense amount of perseverance to even be on the playing field for success on a grand scale. You work as hard as you can for ten years so you finally have a chance to be lucky - It's really rare that somebody gets lucky. It's usually a combination of a lot of talent, a lot of hard work. People that get lucky also tend to be really great looking.
I think people kind of come up and go, "Why hasn't that person busted out?" Almost always at the end of career, what you find out is that either consciously or subconsciously success hasn't happened because that person hasn't chosen for it to happen. Either through walking away because it wasn't the life they wanted or through self-sabotaging because they weren't ready.
I think for a lot of people, the financial barrier is the biggest leap you have to take to follow your dreams. A lot of people don't want to stick their necks out and take that risk, which is totally understandable - I think for a lot of people it doesn't happen because it's not a necessity. Unless it's a necessity to do this, it can be a pretty scary process.
I have the words "Lose Well" on my shoulder. It's kind of a catchphrase that sprung up from my TV show at some point. It's this idea that at a certain point, if you're a loser you've got to own that. It's pretty okay to strike out in life. Just get good at it and hold your head up high. If you're a loser, that's what you are and be cool with it.
Being comedian outside of performing, you're someone who's analyzing life, and thinking about it, and observing so much. In my opinion, it can make you feel sort of on the outside looking in.
There's a weird loneliness that comes with being a comedian, especially standup. Even with improvisers, I think there are certain moments of truth where you feel really, really connected to audiences, and that's when you're on stage. I think there's definitely something inside the personality of a person who wants to be a comedian that's looking to connect at all times. That's where the adrenaline rushes in their lives come from.
There's a lot of exhibitionists who want to tell their stories anonymously and there's a whole lot of voyeurs who want to feel like a fly on the wall and hear about people's lives.
We've switched to text messages, we do anything we can to avoid being on the phone.
I think public access television has more to do with my career than anything else in the world. And that's a system that's been around of many decades and is something that people think is so outdated that they don't even think it still exists.
Everyone needs some trial and error figuring out how it's gonna work for them. I could have gotten that out of the way a little sooner but I think you're totally right, the way I kind of think about things and the way I wanted to put myself out there doesn't fit the traditional side of things. I needed things like podcasts and YouTube and things that allow you to get it out there yourself and stand in the flames.
When young comedians ask me for advice that's the one thing I always say is if they're improvisers I'm like do improv, don't make that your sole thing. And at the end of the day when you do your best work you also just kinda, by definition flush it down the toilet and never do it again.
For sure I think that at the end of the day if I got started a little sooner on stuff that was more written more permanent I would have just made a lot of mistakes earlier. I don't know if it would have led to earlier success but I think it would have led to thicker skin and it would have gotten the ball rolling.
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