Venus de Milo's mother, who once said to Venus, You never call me. Can't you pick up a phone? Never got a dinner!
Goliath's mother, who said to Goliath, Stop running around with David! You're always coming home stoned! Never got a dinner!
Donald Trump's mother, who said, Donnie! Stop playing Monopoly and get in that barber's chair! Never got a dinner!
Captain Hook's mother, who said to Little Hook, For God sakes, don't scratch it! Never got a dinner!
Steven Spielberg's mother, who said to E.T., I don't care where you're from, you're here and you're gonna get bar mitzvahed! Never got a dinner!
It's my real name. My mother's name is Rose Rock. It was the worst name as a kid to have. They called me Piece of the Rock, Plymouth Rock, Joe Rockid, and Flintstones. Now they call me Mister Rock.
My mother thought of my father as half barbarian and half blunt instrument, and she isolated him from his children.
I was good at keeping my mother from crying.
Younger kids, they understand that things aren't so perfect with their father or with their mother.
Speaking of happy successes, after years of struggling to lose those few extra pounds every mother puts on during adoption, particularly when the doctor orders bed rest, in 2004 I sent my assistant to the Gap in dark glasses with a fake ID to purchase my first pair of Easy Fit jeans.
I had a parakeet that used to fly around the house and crash into these huge mirrors my mother put in. Ever heard of this interior design principle, that a mirror makes it seem like you have an entire other room? What kind of jerk walks up to a mirror and goes, Hey look, there's a whole other room in there. There's a guy that looks just like me in there.
Any Hamas or Zionist type who tries to interfere with the labor unions and grab the money will be marched to the guillotines and subsequently beheaded. And isn't that easier and more productive than some endless, bloody conflict? So sayeth the gospel of common sense. Happy Mother's Day.
I tell ya, it's tough to save a buck. Right now I'm supporting two fighters. My wife and her mother.
When we got married, the first thing my wife did was put everything under both names - hers and her mother's.
When I was forty, I was getting divorced, living in a low-class, dirty hotel in New York. My mother was dying of cancer. I owed $20,000. That was about the lowest. I came back to show business, and I couldn't get a job. I was turned down by every small-time agent in New York.
My childhood was bad. No father. Mother was greedy and brought me up awful - never made me breakfast once. I don't want to get started. One story is worse than another.
When I was a kid I got no respect. My mother breast fed me through a straw.
When I was a kid I got no respect. I told my mother, I'm gonna run away from home. She said, On your mark.
I don't want to die before my parents die, especially my mother. Because I think that's tragic. Because I don't want her to get the chance to pick out what I'm going to wear for eternity.
Sometimes my mother goes through my socks and underwear. I wouldn't mind, but it tickles so much!
We want to make sure children aren't left without any books. We want to make sure our children have the books, that they have a place in the castle. We want to make sure that their mothers have affordable day care. We want to make sure we give the older people the care that they need.
I was brought up Catholic. My mom brought us to mass every Sunday - short for 'massive head trauma' that you get from your mother punching you in your little nine-year-old head every minute because you can't sit still for anything that's boring.
The mother is not dying exactly, but has reached a point in life where death is a familiar on the staircase.
I was a mother's boy.
My mother was supportive without knowing it. Deep down she wanted all the right things, she just didn't see the world like I did, and she's not supposed to.
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