Ray Romano Funny Quotes

Quotes about: Funny

• Having children is like living in a frat house - nobody sleeps, everything's broken, and there's a lot of throwing up.

  Ray Romano

  Funny, Fathers Day, Children

• Everyone should have kids. They are the greatest joy in the world. But they are also terrorists. You'll realize this as soon as they are born and they start using sleep deprivation to break you.

  Ray Romano

  Funny, Children, Sleep

  Ray Romano (1999). “Everything and a Kite”

• That's when you know you're a true married couple: when you have to apologize for what you did in her dream.

  Ray Romano

  Funny, Marriage, Dream

  Ray Romano (1999). “Everything and a Kite”, Bantam

• For the sake of your marriage, get a king-size bed. And if you really want to stay married, get two.

  Ray Romano

  Funny, Marriage, Kings

  Ray Romano (1999). “Everything and a Kite”

• When you wake up one day and say, "You know what? I don't think I ever need to sleep or have sex again." Congratulations, you're ready (to have children).

  Ray Romano

  Funny, Baby, Sex

  Ray Romano (1999). “Everything and a Kite”

• Every parent knows that for a kid, the car is chloroform.

  Ray Romano

  Funny, Baby, Children

  Ray Romano (1999). “Everything and a Kite”, Bantam

• I wasn't really that informed about the two-year-old. Oh, I'd read about them, and occasionally I'd see documentaries on the Discovery Channel showing two-year-olds in the wild, where they belong.

  Ray Romano

  Funny, Baby, Children

  Ray Romano (1999). “Everything and a Kite”

• Parents, just keep in mind that kids will always round off to the nearest obscenity.

  Ray Romano

  Funny, Baby, Children

  Ray Romano (1999). “Everything and a Kite”, Bantam

• Nothing like a little chest pain to restore your faith.

  Ray Romano

  Funny, God, Pain

  Ray Romano (1999). “Everything and a Kite”

• If a guy's ever telling you a four-hour sex story with a straight face, just feel sorry for him. Not for lying to you, but for lying to himself. As a matter of fact, stop him right in the middle of the story and just hug him. Nine times out of ten he'll just break down and cry. He knows you know.

  Ray Romano

  Funny, Sex, Sorry

  Ray Romano (1999). “Everything and a Kite”

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