If I were a man with gills, I would be a fish!
I'm convinced to do improv. All you have to do is listen to what people are saying to you, and then just add more information to what they've just said. That's all there is to improv, but it's the hardest thing to do.
I'm going to buy some green bananas because by the time I get home they'll be ripe.
You know, I've got a confession to make myself. I'm not really a priest, I've just got my shirt on backwards.
We're expecting a lot of rain in the state of Oregon, so let's just get rid of Oregon.
What do I do when we're not taping? Sit in a dark room and refine my plans for someday ruling Earth from a blimp. And chess.
When it comes to making love, I may not be the best, but I'm damn gouda.
Two thongs don't make a right.
I look like Walt Disney just threw up.
The good news is your surgery was a success and now you look like a movie star! The bad news is that movie star is Drew Carey!
I am breathing. That's how I'm staying alive!
I cant sprinkle sprinkles on. I lose control when I have sprinkles. Im shaky. I still remember the great sprinkle accident of 1982.
Quiet! I'm expressing myself!
Never interrupt me when I'm eating a banana.
If I were but a man who would be tall, I would be me.
The sky, the sky beyond the door is bluuuuuuue!
I'd rather drive the yellow brick road, you wouldn't happen to know of a rental car place around.
I'm Jim Phillips, I have multiple personalities. I'm also a skindiver, a puppeteer, and I was the tenth president of the United States.
I love B.C., but you know what taxes are like in Canada.
I wasnt particularly funny in high school, but I grew up with three older brothers who were quite funny.
If I were as much of a man as my woman, I'd be my wife.
Follow AzQuotes on Facebook, Twitter and Google+. Every day we present the best quotes! Improve yourself, find your inspiration, share with friends