Victoria Wood Quotes

Quotes about:

• I've never understood the point of ecstasy. I think if I wanted to get dehydrated and jump about with a load of people I've never met before I could go to a Methodist barn dance.

  Victoria Wood

  Funny, Dance, Thinking

  1845 Copy quote

• Last time I went Intercity there were a couple across the aisle having sex. Of course, this being a British train, nobody said anything. Then they finished, they both lit up a cigarette and this woman stood up and said, Excuse me, I think you'll find this is a non-smoking compartment.

  Victoria Wood

  Funny, Sex, Couple

  59 Copy quote

• Jogging is for people who aren't intelligent enough to watch television.

  Victoria Wood

  Inspirational, Running, Intelligent

  1989 Victoria Wood, television series. Published in Mens Sana in Thingummy Doodah (1991).

  53 Copy quote

• I once went to one of those parties where everyone throws their car keys into the middle of the room. I don't know who got my moped, but I drove that Peugeot for years.

  Victoria Wood

  Party, Keys, Years

  "Biography/Personal Quotes".

  42 Copy quote

• Life's not fair, is it? Some of us drink champagne in the fast lane, and some of us eat our sandwiches by the loose chippings on the A597.

  Victoria Wood

  Sandwiches, Drink, Lanes

  29 Copy quote

• A man is designed to walk three miles in the rain to phone for help when the car breaks down - and a woman is designed to say, 'you took your time' when he comes back dripping wet.

  Victoria Wood

  Rain, Men, Phones

  17 Copy quote

• I know I've got a degree. Why does that mean I have to spend my life with intellectuals? I've got a lifesaving certificate but I don't spend my evenings diving for a rubber brick with my pyjamas on.

  Victoria Wood

  Mean, Luck, Degrees

  31 Copy quote

• All my friends started getting boyfriends, but I didn't want a boyfriend, I wanted a thirteen-colour biro.

  Victoria Wood

  Want, Thirteen, Colour

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  28 Copy quote

• I can remember when pants were pants. You wore them for twenty years, then you cut them down for pan scrubs. Or quilts.

  Victoria Wood

  Quilts, Cutting, Years

  19 Copy quote

• Of course I don't want to go to a cocktail party...If I wanted to stand around with a load of people I don't know eating bits of cold toast I can get caught shoplifting and go to Holloway [women's prison].

  Victoria Wood

  Party, People, Luck

  25 Copy quote

• For years I was an undiagnosed anorexic, suffering from a little-known variant of the disease, where, freakishly, the appetite turns in on itself and demands more and more food, forcing the sufferer to gain several stones in weight and wear men's V-necked pullovers. My condition has stabilised now, but I can never stray too far from cocoa-based products and I keep a small cracknel-type candy in my brassiere at all times. Fortunately, I wear a 'D' cup so there is plenty of room for sweetmeats.

  Victoria Wood

  Men, Years, Suffering

  31 Copy quote

• On a train, why do I always end up sitting next to the woman who's eating the individual fruit pie by sucking the filling out through the hole in the middle?

  Victoria Wood

  Pie, Sitting, Next

  24 Copy quote

• You know daytime television? You know what it's supposed to be for? It's to keep unemployed people happy. It's supposed to stop them running to the social security demanding mad luxuries like cookers and windows.

  Victoria Wood

  Running, Luxury, Mad

  24 Copy quote

• In Russia, show the least athletic aptitude and they've got you dangling off the parallel bars with a leotard full of hormones.

  Victoria Wood

  Russia, Athletic, Bars

  18 Copy quote

• Sexual harassment at work... is it a problem for the self-employed?

  Victoria Wood

  Work, Self, Problem

  7 Copy quote

• Music is an element that should be part and parcel of every child's life via the education system.

  Victoria Wood

  Children, Elements, Should

  14 Copy quote

• I have stayed true to that first idea that people can have a day in their lives that is very important and if they can reconnect with that day, reconnect with the people they were then, they can suddenly revive their emotions.

  Victoria Wood

  Ideas, People, Important

  "Victoria Wood recalls a historic day for Manchester music". Interview with David Ward, www.theguardian.com. June 30, 2011.

  16 Copy quote

• I haven't got a waist. I've just got a sort of place ... a bit like an unmarked level crossing.

  Victoria Wood

  Levels, Crossings, Havens

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  15 Copy quote

• If God had meant men to have children, he would have given them a PVC apron.

  Victoria Wood

  Children, Men, Aprons

  16 Copy quote

• If God had meant them to be lifted and separated, He would have put one on each shoulder.

  Victoria Wood

  Shoulders, Ifs

  8 Copy quote

• Everyone I meet is gay, married or crackers

  Victoria Wood

  Gay, Married, Crackers

  9 Copy quote

• I wouldn't kidnap a man for sex - I'm not saying I couldn't use someone to oil the mower.

  Victoria Wood

  Sex, Men, Oil

  11 Copy quote

• I like writing a lot more than I used to. I used to find it scary but now I've got used to it once it gets going. I used to find it hard to start. Fear of the blank page. The first thing you write down won't bear any relation to what's in your head and that's always disappointing.

  Victoria Wood

  Writing, Scary, Pages

  12 Copy quote

• I sometimes think that being widowed is God's way of telling you to come off the Pill.

  Victoria Wood

  Thinking, Pills, Way

  7 Copy quote

• I have been in a youth hostel...You are put in a kitchen with seventeen venture scouts with behavioural difficulties and made to wash swedes.

  Victoria Wood

  Kitchen, Luck, Venture

  7 Copy quote

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