Andy Borowitz Funny Quotes

Quotes about: Funny

• As we go from Abraham Lincoln to Theodore Roosevelt to Mitt Romney, I now understand why the Republicans don't believe in evolution.

  Andy Borowitz

  Funny, Believe, Stupid People

  FaceBook post by Andy Borowitz from Jul 06, 2012

• The baby Jesus was the last homeless person the Republicans liked.

  Andy Borowitz

  Funny, Baby, Jesus

  FaceBook post by Andy Borowitz from Dec 13, 2012

• Maybe this is crazy, but I think the right to own a gun is trumped by the right not to be shot by one.

  Andy Borowitz

  Funny, Crazy, Gun

  FaceBook post by Andy Borowitz from Dec 18, 2012

• All Americans mourn the passing of the author of the Declaration of Independence, George Jefferson.

  Andy Borowitz

  Funny, Mourning, Independence

  FaceBook post by Andy Borowitz from Jul 25, 2012

• Congress is furious at the Secret Service for consorting with hookers, which has traditionally been Congress's role.

  Andy Borowitz

  Funny, Usa, Comedian

  FaceBook post by Andy Borowitz from Apr 18, 2012

• Sarah Palin has decided not to run for President and go straight to the quitting part.

  Andy Borowitz

  Funny, Running, Political

  FaceBook post by Andy Borowitz from Oct 05, 2011

• It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads.

  Andy Borowitz

  Funny, Money, Nice

  FaceBook post by Andy Borowitz from Jul 09, 2012

• Xmas Trivia: Before it became a major shopping holiday, Christmas is believed to have had a "religious" meaning.

  Andy Borowitz

  Funny, Christmas, Religious

  FaceBook post by Andy Borowitz from Dec 23, 2012

• I've invented Twofacebook, the antisocial network. You start being friends w/entire world & defriend people one by one.

  Andy Borowitz

  Funny, Technology, People

  FaceBook post by Andy Borowitz from Feb 05, 2012

• Thanks to the Internet, people we might have only suspected of being idiots can now give us ample evidence.

  Andy Borowitz

  Funny, Technology, People

• Getting your news from Twitter is like asking a cat for directions.

  Andy Borowitz

  Funny, Cat, Technology

• On July 4 we celebrate government of the people, by the people, and for the people, or as they are now called, corporations.

  Andy Borowitz

  Funny, Anniversary, 4th Of July

  FaceBook post by Andy Borowitz from Jul 05, 2012

• Facebook's new relationship status option: "No longer able to interact with actual people"

  Andy Borowitz

  Funny, New Relationship, Technology

  FaceBook post by Andy Borowitz from Dec 18, 2011

• Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Give a man Twitter, and he will forget to eat and starve to death.

  Andy Borowitz

  Funny, Technology, Men

• Every week Republicans are excited about a new candidate because the one they liked last week turned out to be a moron.

  Andy Borowitz

  Funny, Stupid People, Political

  FaceBook post by Andy Borowitz from Sep 29, 2011

• Twitter is currently valued at $8 billion, or $1 for every hour it has wasted.

  Andy Borowitz

  Funny, Technology, Hours

• The only way to explain how some people dress for the airport is they think no one else will be there.

  Andy Borowitz

  Funny, Travel, Thinking

• Cars will soon have the Internet on the dashboard. I worry that this will distract me from my texting.

  Andy Borowitz

  Funny, Travel, Worry

  FaceBook post by Andy Borowitz from Jan 07, 2010

• Next time someone says, 'Where has big government ever gotten us?' the correct answer is 'Mars.'

  Andy Borowitz

  Funny, Government, Comedian

  FaceBook post by Andy Borowitz from Aug 06, 2012

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