I have an Alka-Seltzer bat. You know-plop, plop, fizz, fizz, when the pitcher sees me walking up there he says, 'Oh, what a relief it is'.
My biggest problem in the big leagues is that I can't figure out how to spend forty-three dollars in meal money.
The game is full of peaks and valleys, the key is to avoid the Grand Canyon.
If someone from Germany or somewhere, who had no idea what baseball was, saw Kruk play, he'd wonder what the beer truck driver was doing playing first base.
We had an argument once, yeah. It was the best thing that could have happened to our working relationship. After that, we understood each other and got along much better. I always respected Barry Bonds, and I wanted to let him know that I did in a certain way.
They wanted me to play third like Brooks so I did play like Brooks - Mel Brooks.
He (Ozzie Smith) plays like he's on a mini-trampoline or wearing helium kangaroo shorts.
Good mothers are underrated, just like good defense.
Every season has its peaks and valleys. What you have to try to do is eliminate the Grand Canyon.
With the Cardinals everybody would be reading the business section to see what their stocks were doing. You get to this locker room (Pirates) in the morning and everybody is looking at the sports page to see if Hulk Hogan won.
If everyone were like him (Mitch Williams) I wouldn't play. I'd find a safer way to make a living.
Mario Lemieux is Mr. Pittsburgh.
Last year we had so many people coming in and out they didn't bother to sew their names on the backs of the uniforms. They just put them there with Velcro.
The biggest adjustment from the minors was learning to spend $45 in meal money.
I can only guess that, for guys in their 30s and 40s who watched me play, they understood that the score never mattered and my paycheck never mattered (in relation) to how I played. I played with Little League enthusiasm and professional flair. That's what fans are really looking for.
It seems like Satan has thrown the DH into our game.
Who says there's an unemployment problem in this country? Just take the five percent unemployed and give them a baseball stat to follow.
I always respected Barry Bonds, and I wanted to let him know that I did in a certain way.
I don't care what you do - baseball or politics - George W. Bush is always going to be compared to his father. I just want it to be an easy answer in 50 years - Who was the better player, me, or my kids? I want it to be my kids.
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