It's never your successful friends posting the inspirational quotes
Rappers shouldn't have to file taxes because they itemize everything they own in songs.
No one's dream job involves a kiosk.
Paul Ryan looks like the car rental salesman who bullies you into getting full coverage.
Before taking the stage, Paul Ryan spent 6 hours staring into a mirror working on 'concerned eyebrow.'
My other car is a vehicle with a bumper sticker describing this car.
My life is now a constant assessment of whether what's happening in real life is more entertaining than what's happening on my phone.
Forget the Bible, the greatest argument against human evolution is a YouTube comment thread.
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