Michael R. Burch Quotes

Quotes about:

• What do you call a comedian who runs for president? A trump card.

  Michael R. Burch

  Running, Comedian, President

  15 Copy quote

• If brevity is the soul of wit then brevity and levity are the whole of it.

  Michael R. Burch

  Soul, Levity, Wit

  13 Copy quote

• There's no better tonic for other people's bad ideas, than to think for oneself.

  Michael R. Burch

  Thinking, Ideas, People

  18 Copy quote

• Donald Trump has filed so many bankruptcies and busted so many companies that his children now have receding heir lines.

  Michael R. Burch

  Children, Lines, Heirs

  14 Copy quote

• Teddy Roosevelt spoke softly and carried a big stick; Donald Trump speaks loudly and carries a big shtick.

  Michael R. Burch

  Sticks, Speak, Bigs

  11 Copy quote

• Many presidents have believed in God, but Donald Trump evidently believes that he is God.

  Michael R. Burch

  Believe, President, Trump

  10 Copy quote

• Abbesses' recesses are not for excesses!

  Michael R. Burch

  Excess, Recess

  16 Copy quote

• Donald Trump really is a fan of the Bible, except that it's far too long for him to read. So he just released a new, improved version, the Gospel According to Trump. It reads: "I, Donald Trump, am God. Praise, worship, and adore Me as I do Myself. Then all shall be Great, as I am Great. The End."

  Michael R. Burch

  Long, Fans, Worship

  12 Copy quote

• Epigrams delight us into wisdom.

  Michael R. Burch

  Delight, Epigrams

  17 Copy quote

• Trump's last name is an omen that he'll win the Republican nomination, since "trump" means "triumph." One might suggest that this will constitute the triumph of insanity over reason, except that none of the other Republican candidates make any sense either. Trump just makes them seem less crazy by comparison.

  Michael R. Burch

  Crazy, Mean, Winning

  13 Copy quote

• What do we get when the Donald exposes his enormous ass? A trump roast.

  Michael R. Burch

  Ass, Trump, Enormous

  12 Copy quote

• The slogan of the American Civil Rights Movement was "We shall overcome!" Donald Trump's new campaign slogan is "We shall overcomb!"

  Michael R. Burch

  Rights, Overcoming, Campaigns

  14 Copy quote

• It's simply not true that Donald Trump has no experience in foreign affairs. Hell, two of his foreign affairs resulted in marriages!

  Michael R. Burch

  Two, Hell, Affair

  11 Copy quote

• C'm'on lefties! Admit that Trump has been very tough on China. He has been especially tough on Chinese kids who slave away in sweatboxes, making his clothing lines.

  Michael R. Burch

  Kids, Clothing Line, Chinese

  12 Copy quote

• Trump claims he'd be the "best jobs president that God ever created." But isn't his claim to fame firing people?

  Michael R. Burch

  Jobs, Best Job, People

  12 Copy quote

• I lived as best I could, and then I died. Be careful where you step: the grave is wide.

  Michael R. Burch

  Political, Steps, Graves

  13 Copy quote

• These are clearly the end times, and now we understand why the prophets warned us about the Trump of Doom.

  Michael R. Burch

  Prophet, Ends, Trump

  14 Copy quote

• Trump appeals to the disaffected by loudly trumpet-ing what they want to hear: other people are always the problem, and the solution is to either put them in their proper place or get rid of them.

  Michael R. Burch

  People, Want, Problem

  13 Copy quote

• Every political card played by Jeb Bush has been Trumped; every political note played by The Donald has been Trumpeted.

  Michael R. Burch

  Political, Cards, Notes

  11 Copy quote

• I'll not!
  The gents are impressed
  with the way that I'm dressed.
  I wouldn't change even one spot.

  Michael R. Burch

  Way, Spots, Gents

  17 Copy quote

• Donald Trump's hairpiece has reportedly narrowed its list of running partners down to Don King, Kramer, William Shatner, Dolly Parton and Phil Spector, and has no worries about being upstaged.

  Michael R. Burch

  Running, Kings, Worry

  16 Copy quote

• If every witty thing that's said was true, Oscar Wilde, the world would worship You!

  Michael R. Burch

  Witty, Worship You, World

  15 Copy quote

• Life's saving graces are love, pleasure, laughter ... wisdom, it seems, is for the Hereafter.

  Michael R. Burch

  Laughter, Political, Grace

  16 Copy quote

• The truth can finally be told: Donald Trump's autism was caused by a vaccination that went terribly wrong; this explains why he can't relate to other people.

  Michael R. Burch

  People, Autism, Trump

  13 Copy quote

• Rand Paul tried hard to upstage Donald Trump at the first debate, talking tough about his guns and his right not to register them. But with his pixie-ish perm, Paul does not impress me as the gunslinger type. Rand Paul is the RuPaul of politics. He would do better to defend his right to carry an unregistered blow-dryer and curling irons.

  Michael R. Burch

  Blow, Gun, Iron

  19 Copy quote

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