Michael R. Burch Quotes

Quotes about:

• Donald Trump really is a fan of the Bible, except that it's far too long for him to read. So he just released a new, improved version, the Gospel According to Trump. It reads: "I, Donald Trump, am God. Praise, worship, and adore Me as I do Myself. Then all shall be Great, as I am Great. The End."

  Michael R. Burch

  Long, Fans, Worship

  4 Copy quote

• Did evangelical Christians mistake Donald Trump's hairpiece for a halo, while ignoring the obvious signs that he worships Mammon?

  Michael R. Burch

  Christian, Mistake, Halos

  5 Copy quote

• Donald Trump has taken the Peter Principle to unprecedented heights. Or is it depths?

  Michael R. Burch

  Taken, Principles, Depth

  5 Copy quote

• If brevity is the soul of wit then brevity and levity are the whole of it.

  Michael R. Burch

  Soul, Levity, Wit

  5 Copy quote

• Many presidents have believed in God, but Donald Trump evidently believes that he is God.

  Michael R. Burch

  Believe, President, Trump

  3 Copy quote

• Teddy Roosevelt spoke softly and carried a big stick; Donald Trump speaks loudly and carries a big shtick.

  Michael R. Burch

  Sticks, Speak, Bigs

  3 Copy quote

• It's simply not true that Donald Trump has no experience in foreign affairs. Hell, two of his foreign affairs resulted in marriages!

  Michael R. Burch

  Two, Hell, Affair

  3 Copy quote

• When I was being bullied, I had to learn not to judge myself by the opinions of intolerant morons. Then I felt much better.

  Michael R. Burch

  Judging, Opinion, Being Bullied

  3 Copy quote

• It's not that every leaf must finally fall, it's just that we can never catch them all.

  Michael R. Burch

  Fall, Leafs

  4 Copy quote

• C'm'on lefties! Admit that Trump has been very tough on China. He has been especially tough on Chinese kids who slave away in sweatboxes, making his clothing lines.

  Michael R. Burch

  Kids, Clothing Line, Chinese

  3 Copy quote

• What do we get when the Donald exposes his enormous ass? A trump roast.

  Michael R. Burch

  Ass, Trump, Enormous

  3 Copy quote

• What do you call a comedian who runs for president? A trump card.

  Michael R. Burch

  Running, Comedian, President

  7 Copy quote

• Donald Trump just announced that if Republicans don't treat him fairly, he will resurrect the Whig party and run as its hair apparent.

  Michael R. Burch

  Running, Party, Hair

  3 Copy quote

• Trump's last name is an omen that he'll win the Republican nomination, since "trump" means "triumph." One might suggest that this will constitute the triumph of insanity over reason, except that none of the other Republican candidates make any sense either. Trump just makes them seem less crazy by comparison.

  Michael R. Burch

  Crazy, Mean, Winning

  5 Copy quote

• Trump claims he'd be the "best jobs president that God ever created." But isn't his claim to fame firing people?

  Michael R. Burch

  Jobs, Best Job, People

  3 Copy quote

• The truth can finally be told: Donald Trump's autism was caused by a vaccination that went terribly wrong; this explains why he can't relate to other people.

  Michael R. Burch

  People, Autism, Trump

  3 Copy quote

• There's no better tonic for other people's bad ideas, than to think for oneself.

  Michael R. Burch

  Thinking, Ideas, People

  3 Copy quote

• Life's saving graces are love, pleasure, laughter ... wisdom, it seems, is for the Hereafter.

  Michael R. Burch

  Laughter, Political, Grace

  3 Copy quote

• Donald Trump just pledged to be loyal to the Green Party, the Communist Party and Party Central, as long as they agree to be nice to that thing on his head. If not, all bets are off.

  Michael R. Burch

  Nice, Party, Long

  3 Copy quote

• Donald Trump accused Huma Abedin of sharing state secrets with her husband. I think Trump clearly lacks a sense of Huma.

  Michael R. Burch

  Husband, Thinking, Secret

  3 Copy quote

• Donald Trump has filed so many bankruptcies and busted so many companies that his children now have receding heir lines.

  Michael R. Burch

  Children, Lines, Heirs

  3 Copy quote

• Trump appeals to right-wingnuts because when the going gets tough, they wig out.

  Michael R. Burch

  Wigs, Tough, Trump

  6 Copy quote

• Toupée or not toupée for professional government: that is the hair-raising question created by Donald Trump's candidacy.

  Michael R. Burch

  Hair, Government, Trump

  3 Copy quote

• These are clearly the end times, and now we understand why the prophets warned us about the Trump of Doom.

  Michael R. Burch

  Prophet, Ends, Trump

  3 Copy quote

• President Obama contends that charges he is "not really an American" have been trumped up by you-know-who.

  Michael R. Burch

  President, President Obama, Knows

  3 Copy quote

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