Frankie Boyle Funny Quotes

Quotes about: Funny

• I like storms. I like thunder and lightning. What I do during a storm is shag my girlfriend and pretend that we're taking part in the conception of the Antichrist.

  Frankie Boyle

  Funny, Girlfriend, Humor

• I watched the footage of Saddam being executed, and it really made me think...is there nothing on the internet that I won't masturbate to?

  Frankie Boyle

  Funny, Humor, Thinking

  "Frankie Boyle Live". Comedy, 2008.

• It seems amazing that the Navy SEALs managed to get inside the compound and shoot Osama so efficiently. I can only imagine they were told that the mission was to rescue a bearded British hostage and he must be brought out alive.

  Frankie Boyle

  Funny, Humor, Navy

• What was wrong with train toilet doors that just locked, instead of this multiple choice system? If anything goes wrong, you'll be sitting there while the whole toilet wall slowly slides away, unveiling you like a prize on a quiz show. For 500 points, a shitting woman!

  Frankie Boyle

  Funny, Wall, Humor

• The English are worried about the Euro being brought in because of loss of national identity and rising prices. In Scotland, people are just worried in case they have to close Poundstretcher.

  Frankie Boyle

  Funny, Humor, Loss

  "Mock the Week". www.imdb.com. (2005 - ).

• On the most Scottish thing he'd ever seen: I was going through a town called Bathgate at around 11 o'clock at night. And there was a guy leaning and pissing against a front door. He then took out his keys and went inside.

  Frankie Boyle

  Funny, Humor, Night

• A 66-YEAR-OLD woman has become the oldest new mum in Britain after giving birth to a baby boy. I'm amazed she needed to have a caesarean section though, you'd think at 66 she would have needed some masking tape down there just to stop it falling out.

  Frankie Boyle

  Funny, Baby, Fall

• Nobody thought Mel Gibson could play a Scot, but look at him now! Alcoholic and a racist!

  Frankie Boyle

  Funny, Humor, Play

  "Frankie Boyle Live", 2008.

• Do you think George Bush actually knows who Gordon Brown is? He probably just thinks Tony Blair's put on weight and had a mild stroke.

  Frankie Boyle

  Funny, Humor, Thinking

• Apparently they're going to bring in 'Super Asbos'. But 'Asbos' already sound too cool. Teenagers see them as a badge of honour. They should call them 'Gaybos' or 'Bender Badges'.

  Frankie Boyle

  Funny, Teenager, Humor

  "Frankie Boyle: Live". Comedy, 2008.

• I live in a flat with 3 women, I call it surround sound. I keep the ugly one behind the sofa as a woofer.

  Frankie Boyle

  Funny, Humor, Surround Sound

• I don't know how long i could be a vet before i got bored and started shagging stuff.

  Frankie Boyle

  Funny, Humor, Bored

• When I went to school, sex education was mainly muttered warnings about the janitor.

  Frankie Boyle

  Funny, Sex, School

• Congratulations you're 18!... On a list of 20 people I'm going to kill.

  Frankie Boyle

  Funny, Congratulations, Humor

• Does anyone actually think that Beckham knows he's in America? I think he just follows a football and all he notices is that it occasionally gets warmer.

  Frankie Boyle

  Funny, Football, Humor

• My dad is one of the funniest people I know. He's the sort of man who can make you laugh just by reading out of a telephone directory... He's a spastic.

  Frankie Boyle

  Funny, Dad, Reading

• The owners of a dog which swallowed a diamond worth £12000 had to wait three days until it re-emerged. With a bit of planning it could have been a nice way to propose.

  Frankie Boyle

  Funny, Dog, Nice

• It's good they're holding the Olympics in the East End of London. Means the athletes will have to use extra skill to work out which gunshot is the starting pistol.

  Frankie Boyle

  Funny, Humor, Mean

• I always wondered about that woman who had that face transplant. If you went to bed with her, would that technically count as a threesome?

  Frankie Boyle

  Funny, Humor, Bed

• Don't you think its quite weird for Prince Harry, getting really stoned and seeing your grans face appearing on your money.

  Frankie Boyle

  Funny, Humor, Thinking

• I did Scottish footballer of the year this year, attempted to do some comedy at that. Not the brightest people in the world. There were seven O-Levels in that room, and they were all mine.

  Frankie Boyle

  Funny, Humor, Years

• I can't help thinking the failed New York bomber would've done far more damage if he'd simply driven throught Times Square in a Toyota.

  Frankie Boyle

  Funny, New York, Humor

• The thing I don't get about paedophilia... Why the hell do kids find old men in dirty raincoats so sexy?

  Frankie Boyle

  Funny, Sexy, Dirty

• They're always going, don't deal with terrorists. Let's deal with them. What's Allah offering you boys, 100 virgins? We'll give you 50 slags.

  Frankie Boyle

  Funny, Humor, Boys

• Recent surveys show 3 out of 10 men have a problem with premature ejaculation. The rest just didn't really think it was a problem!

  Frankie Boyle

  Funny, Humor, Men

  "Mock the Week". Game-Show, m.imdb.com.

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