Frankie Boyle Quotes

Quotes about:

• For 3 Million you could give everyone in Scotland a shovel, and we could dig a hole so deep we could hand her over to Satan in person.

  Frankie Boyle

  Hands, Scotland, Giving

  TV Series "Mock the Week", (2005- ).

  51 Copy quote

• Not only will America go to your country and kill all your people. But they'll come back 20 years later and make a movie about how killing your people made their soldiers feel sad.

  Frankie Boyle

  Country, Years, America

  33 Copy quote

• Nobody thought Mel Gibson could play a Scot, but look at him now! Alcoholic and a racist!

  Frankie Boyle

  Funny, Humor, Play

  "Frankie Boyle Live", 2008.

  20 Copy quote

• Political correctness has changed everything. People forget that political correctness used to be called spastic gay talk.

  Frankie Boyle

  Gay, People, Political

  12 Copy quote

• On the most Scottish thing he'd ever seen: I was going through a town called Bathgate at around 11 o'clock at night. And there was a guy leaning and pissing against a front door. He then took out his keys and went inside.

  Frankie Boyle

  Funny, Humor, Night

  19 Copy quote

• I live in a flat with 3 women, I call it surround sound. I keep the ugly one behind the sofa as a woofer.

  Frankie Boyle

  Funny, Humor, Surround Sound

  15 Copy quote

• We don't live in a shared reality, we each live in a reality of our own, and causing upset is often the price of trying to reach each other. It's always easier to dismiss other people than to go through the awkward and time consuming process of understanding them. We have given 'taking offense' a social status it doesn't deserve: it's not much more than a way of avoiding difficult conversations.

  Frankie Boyle

  Reality, People, Understanding

  31 Copy quote

• People who think there's no good way to die have obviously never heard the phrase 'Drug-fuelled-sex-heart-attack'.

  Frankie Boyle

  Funny, Sex, Heart

  13 Copy quote

• I watched the footage of Saddam being executed, and it really made me think...is there nothing on the internet that I won't masturbate to?

  Frankie Boyle

  Funny, Humor, Thinking

  "Frankie Boyle Live". Comedy, 2008.

  12 Copy quote

• Does anyone find it ironic how a program aimed at old people is called 'Countdown'?

  Frankie Boyle

  Funny, Humor, People

  11 Copy quote

• As the plane lands in Glasgow airport, passengers are reminded to set their watch back, 25 years.

  Frankie Boyle

  Funny, Humor, Airports

  24 Copy quote

• The thing I don't get about paedophilia... Why the hell do kids find old men in dirty raincoats so sexy?

  Frankie Boyle

  Funny, Sexy, Dirty

  14 Copy quote

• The government are considering spending £3million on a state funeral for Margaret Thatcher when she dies. For £3million they could buy everyone in Scotland a shovel, and we'll dig a hole deep enough to deliver her to Satan ourselves.

  Frankie Boyle

  Funny, Humor, Scotland

  18 Copy quote

• I feel sorry for Obama because he's still got to fight the innate racism of Americans. I mean, did you see his first speech, when he got made President and they put all that bullet proof glass in front of him? I think that shows you how racist America still is. Just because he's black doesn't mean he's going to shoot anybody.

  Frankie Boyle

  Sorry, Mean, Fighting

  23 Copy quote

• When I went to school, sex education was mainly muttered warnings about the janitor.

  Frankie Boyle

  Funny, Sex, School

  9 Copy quote

• The East End of Glasgow is like the Olympics. Lots of foriegners in tracksuits struggling to speak English.

  Frankie Boyle

  Funny, Struggle, Humor

  13 Copy quote

• What was wrong with train toilet doors that just locked, instead of this multiple choice system? If anything goes wrong, you'll be sitting there while the whole toilet wall slowly slides away, unveiling you like a prize on a quiz show. For 500 points, a shitting woman!

  Frankie Boyle

  Funny, Wall, Humor

  19 Copy quote

• Congratulations you're 18!... On a list of 20 people I'm going to kill.

  Frankie Boyle

  Funny, Congratulations, Humor

  6 Copy quote

• It turns out your not dyslexic, your just really really stupid.

  Frankie Boyle

  Funny, Stupid, Humor

  4 Copy quote

• My dad is one of the funniest people I know. He's the sort of man who can make you laugh just by reading out of a telephone directory... He's a spastic.

  Frankie Boyle

  Funny, Dad, Reading

  17 Copy quote

• Stephen Hawking: Brainier than Kurt Cobain's garage wall.

  Frankie Boyle

  Funny, Wall, Humor

  14 Copy quote

• The owners of a dog which swallowed a diamond worth £12000 had to wait three days until it re-emerged. With a bit of planning it could have been a nice way to propose.

  Frankie Boyle

  Funny, Dog, Nice

  9 Copy quote

• Why is it that it's okay to call a white person "mate" yet it's not okay to call a black guy "primate"?

  Frankie Boyle

  Funny, Humor, White

  14 Copy quote

• Do you think George Bush actually knows who Gordon Brown is? He probably just thinks Tony Blair's put on weight and had a mild stroke.

  Frankie Boyle

  Funny, Humor, Thinking

  16 Copy quote

• I like storms. I like thunder and lightning. What I do during a storm is shag my girlfriend and pretend that we're taking part in the conception of the Antichrist.

  Frankie Boyle

  Funny, Girlfriend, Humor

  6 Copy quote

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