Zach Galifianakis Funny Quotes

Quotes about: Funny

• You know you have a drinking problem when the bartender knows your name -- and you've never been to that bar before.

  Zach Galifianakis

  Funny, Drinking, Humor

• I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.

  Zach Galifianakis

  Funny, Growing Up, Humor

• I dream of moving to India, or Pakistan, and becoming a cabdriver.

  Zach Galifianakis

  Funny, Dream, Moving

  "Zach Galifianakis Live at the Purple Onion". Documentary, Comedy, 2006.

• At what age do you think it's appropriate to tell a highway it's adopted?

  Zach Galifianakis

  Funny, Humor, Thinking

  "Zach Galifianakis Live at the Purple Onion". Documentary, Comedy, 2006.

• My girlfriend and I went to a dinner party the other night and we ended up playing charades. There was another couple there that was deaf. They were so good.

  Zach Galifianakis

  Funny, Girlfriend, Couple

• I wonder if in 2050 there will be a movie called, 'Dude, Where's My Spaceship'

  Zach Galifianakis

  Funny, Humor, Wonder

• I would start a revolution, but I just bought a hammock.

  Zach Galifianakis

  Funny, Humor, Hammocks

• Don't boo people! Don't boo! Be more specific! Like, 'WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT?! I HATE THAT! I HATE IT!'

  Zach Galifianakis

  Funny, Hate, Humor

• Do you remember that kid that had sex with his high school teacher? I was reading online that he died today. He died from hi-fiveing.

  Zach Galifianakis

  Funny, Teacher, Sex

• My father used to beat me with his belt...while it was still on him.

  Zach Galifianakis

  Funny, Father, Humor

• I have to stop crying when I watch "The View". It's not because of the topics at hand, I just feel sorry for that couch.

  Zach Galifianakis

  Funny, Sorry, Humor

• I was just thinking how unfortunate it'd be to be a fat girl named Candy.

  Zach Galifianakis

  Funny, Girl, Humor

• Did you ever wake up with an erection...and find yourself in a massage chair at Brookstone? And you yell to the sales clerk "I'll take it!"

  Zach Galifianakis

  Funny, Humor, Finding Yourself

• When you look like I do its hard to get a table for one at Chucky Cheese.

  Zach Galifianakis

  Funny, Humor, Looks

  "Zach Galifianakis: Live at the Purple Onion". Documentary, Comedy, video, 2006.

• Yesterday, I masturbated for 45 minutes... with salad tongs.

  Zach Galifianakis

  Funny, Humor, Yesterday

• I want to do another reality show. It's based on The Mole. It's about sexually transmitted diseases. It's called "God, I Hope That's a Mole."

  Zach Galifianakis

  Funny, Humor, Reality

• I think those neighborhood signs that say 'slow children playing' are mean.

  Zach Galifianakis

  Funny, Children, Humor

• I don't mean to be gross, but the only time it's good to yell "I have diarrhea" is when you're playing Scrabble because it's worth a shitload of points.

  Zach Galifianakis

  Funny, Humor, Mean

• I dream of starting a three-man country trio called the Chixie Dicks.

  Zach Galifianakis

  Funny, Dream, Country

  "Zach Galifianakis Live at the Purple Onion". Documentary, Comedy, 2006.

• I'm writing a book about Siamese Twins that are attached at the nose. It's called: Stop Staring at Me!

  Zach Galifianakis

  Funny, Book, Writing

• Do you ever do something, and then think to yourself: That's So Raven?

  Zach Galifianakis

  Funny, Humor, Thinking

• I'm an American so its kind of hard for me to talk about 9/11. So whenever someone brings it up in a conversation, I say "I didn't like 9/11."

  Zach Galifianakis

  Funny, Humor, Kind

• I call my balls the bush twins.

  Zach Galifianakis

  Funny, Humor, Balls

  "Zach Galifianakis Live at the Purple Onion". Documentary, Comedy, 2006.

• The other day, I got a henna tattoo that says "Forever."

  Zach Galifianakis

  Funny, Tattoo, Humor

• Hookers don't like to snuggle.

  Zach Galifianakis

  Funny, Humor

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