Customs is punishment for those who travel. This will teach you for traveling to our country!
I used to think it was corny to be in love but actually it's corny to lose an awesome woman! Real talk.
I am not a model the camera just went off by itself
You know, the energy I think I was just born with. I think I was just always like that as I kid; I was always real energetic.
My black friends in America don't believe me. I said, 'Dude, I'm Nigerian American.' 'Word? We thought you were, like, regular black.' What the hell is 'regular black'? Crayola coming out with colors I don't know about?
I think that sometimes I've been a little too nice. I think you have to have a balance. When you're too nice people take you for granted, they take you for a fool I think.
I love when they show the really gay prisoner in prison shows. He's the cutest inside but you know on the street he would be the ugliest.
I'm still trying to understand the wearing off high heels at the airport.
The X-Games - I watch that; I'm not impressed. That's white dudes' desperation. They're running out of sports. They gotta find something that black dudes won't touch.
Be happy with your stereotype. Asians - that's the stereotype I want. Being the smartest person in the world? You're the smartest, what are you complaining about? You know what I get? 'Wassup?
You've got to keep moving, keep creating.
I use profanity because I like profanity, but I'm not vulgar. Big difference. I love profanity because I really think profanity is cool.
I think the audience should take away that it's okay to be smart, it's okay to be funny and well-learned. You can be from academia and be funny; you don't have to be an idiot.
But there's times when I like to find the strange angles to something. People go, 'I heard a lot of jokes like that, but that's one of the most interesting takes I heard.' That's what I try to do.
I'm forever a part of pop culture.
I want to be able to go into a room of aliens and be funny. I don't care who it is. I don't ever want to limit myself to a type of comedy because I don't want to be stuck. I want to be able to make anybody laugh and that's the key for me.
Hey man! I'm a comedian but I'm not a clown.
I would say, as far as heckling, there's benign and there's malignant; like tumors man. Sometimes you get really nice hecklers. I'd say percentage-wise it's only about 10 to 20 percent the whole year.
Even if you get a joke right you've done it a thousand times and sometimes there's times where it just doesn't work or someone doesn't agree with you. And I want to show that. I have had more hecklers because that's part of comedy is arguments, you know?
If Mandela were a comedian, I bet he would never get mad at a heckler, he'd give him or her a hug.
I was always the class clown, although many teachers view the class clown as a trouble maker. But I always had good grades, so the only thing my parents were told was that while I was intelligent, I talked too much.
You know what the bodega is? It's the little Latin store, and they try to act like it's a grocery store. It has two aisles. And the guy, he always tries to help me, 'You looking for the bread?' I was like, 'Dude, I can see it right here, alright.' He's like, 'Hey, hey, it's in aisle two.' That's all you got, what are you talking about?
That's what I take pride in in my stand-up, is changing things up. Being special.
I got into trouble a lot in school. They say you're a disturbance in class. You're a distraction, they're moving you around. You never really get rewarded in class for being funny. You're a disturbance. But the funny kid is often witty and clever and quick... they finally get a chance to express themselves when they get out of school.
I can always create new material. That's something I can control.
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