Customs is punishment for those who travel. This will teach you for traveling to our country!
I used to think it was corny to be in love but actually it's corny to lose an awesome woman! Real talk.
Immigrants have been coming here for a long time. The Americans that are afraid of others coming were immigrants once themselves, so they have a lot of nerve. We have a lot of nerve as a country. The only people that should have xenophobia are Native Americans. Everyone else should shut up.
My black friends in America don't believe me. I said, 'Dude, I'm Nigerian American.' 'Word? We thought you were, like, regular black.' What the hell is 'regular black'? Crayola coming out with colors I don't know about?
I am not a model the camera just went off by itself
Want to shut a racist white guy's mouth. Put him around Super human athletic black dudes.
I use profanity because I like profanity, but I'm not vulgar. Big difference. I love profanity because I really think profanity is cool.
I can always create new material. That's something I can control.
You know, the energy I think I was just born with. I think I was just always like that as I kid; I was always real energetic.
I think that sometimes I've been a little too nice. I think you have to have a balance. When you're too nice people take you for granted, they take you for a fool I think.
I'm still trying to understand the wearing off high heels at the airport.
I love when they show the really gay prisoner in prison shows. He's the cutest inside but you know on the street he would be the ugliest.
When my woman kisses me I start dancing like James Brown. Ow! I Feel Good!
Be happy with your stereotype. Asians - that's the stereotype I want. Being the smartest person in the world? You're the smartest, what are you complaining about? You know what I get? 'Wassup?
The X-Games - I watch that; I'm not impressed. That's white dudes' desperation. They're running out of sports. They gotta find something that black dudes won't touch.
Tell your girlfriend or wife you love them everyday. Like I do!
I think there are people living in Walmart dressed up as employees.
I think the audience should take away that it's okay to be smart, it's okay to be funny and well-learned. You can be from academia and be funny; you don't have to be an idiot.
You've got to keep moving, keep creating.
You know what the bodega is? It's the little Latin store, and they try to act like it's a grocery store. It has two aisles. And the guy, he always tries to help me, 'You looking for the bread?' I was like, 'Dude, I can see it right here, alright.' He's like, 'Hey, hey, it's in aisle two.' That's all you got, what are you talking about?
I was always the class clown, although many teachers view the class clown as a trouble maker. But I always had good grades, so the only thing my parents were told was that while I was intelligent, I talked too much.
If Mandela were a comedian, I bet he would never get mad at a heckler, he'd give him or her a hug.
Even if you get a joke right you've done it a thousand times and sometimes there's times where it just doesn't work or someone doesn't agree with you. And I want to show that. I have had more hecklers because that's part of comedy is arguments, you know?
I would say, as far as heckling, there's benign and there's malignant; like tumors man. Sometimes you get really nice hecklers. I'd say percentage-wise it's only about 10 to 20 percent the whole year.
Hey man! I'm a comedian but I'm not a clown.
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