Usually, terrible things that are done with the excuse that progress requires them are not really progress at all, but just terrible things.
An educated person is one who has learned that information almost always turns out to be at best incomplete and very often false, misleading, fictitious, mendacious - just dead wrong.
The only thing I was fit for was to be a writer, and this notion rested solely on my suspicion that I would never be fit for real work, and that writing didn't require any.
The worst thing about being a tourist is having other tourists recognize you as a tourist.
Listen once in a while. It's amazing what you can hear.
Americans like fat books and thin women.
Don't try to make children grow up to be like you, or they may do it.
Misery no longer loves company. Nowadays it insists on it.
The worst thing about the miracle of modern communications is the Pavlovian pressure it places upon everyone to communicate whenever a bell rings.
It seems to be a law in American life that whatever enriches us anywhere except in the wallet inevitably becomes uneconomic.
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
In writing, punctuation plays the role of body language. It helps readers hear you the way you want to be heard.
It is fitting that yesteryear's swashbuckling newspaper reporter has turned into today's solemn young sobersides nursing a glass of watered white wine after a day of toiling over computer databases in a smoke-free, noise-free newsroom.
Happiness is a small and unworthy goal for something as big and fancy as a whole lifetime, and should be taken in small doses.
Life is always walking up to us and saying, "Come on in, the living's fine," and what do we do? Back off and take its picture.
Ah, summer, what power you have to make us suffer and like it.
A solved problem creates two new problems, and the best prescription for happy living is not to solve any more problems.
People seem to enjoy things more when they know a lot of other people have been left out of the pleasure.
It was dramatic to watch my grandmother decapitate a turkey with an ax the day before Thanksgiving. Nowadays the expense of hiring grandmothers for the ax work would probably qualify all turkeys so honored with gourmet status.
New York is the only city in the world where you can get run down on the sidewalk by a pedestrian.
Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say that what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down.
When it comes to cars, only two varieties of people are possible - cowards and fools.
A skillful playwright might have a good time with the story of the assassination of President William McKinley, and especially with the three most flamboyant political figures involved: Mark Hanna, Theodore Roosevelt, and Emma Goldman.
It was Queen Elizabeth who made me a foreign correspondent.
The charm of television entertainment is its ability to bridge the chasm between dinner and bedtime without mental distraction.
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