To me all men are equal: there are jackasses everywhere, and I have the same contempt for them all.
Morality is a venereal disease. Its primary stage is called virtue; its secondary stage, boredom; its tertiary stage, syphilis.
What the teachers digest, the pupils eat.
Lord, forgive them, for they know what they do!
War: first, one hopes to win; then one expects the enemy to lose; then, one is satisfied that he too is suffering; in the end, one is surprised that everyone has lost.
Newspapers have roughly the same relationship to life as fortune-tellers to metaphysics.
Religion, morality, and patriotism are feelings that are manifested only when they are outraged.
A healthy man is content with a woman. An erotic man is content with a stocking to get to a woman. A sick man is content with thestocking.
It is better not to express what one means than to express what one does not mean.
Education is what most receive, many pass on, and few possess.
Psychology is a bus that accompanies an airplane.
The world is a prison in which solitary confinement is preferable.
The extraordinary ability of a woman to forget is not the same as the talent of a lady not to be able to remember.
They judge lest they be judged.
Curses on the law! Most of my fellow citizens are the sorry consequences of uncommitted abortions.
A weak man has doubts before a decision; a strong man has them afterwards.
Family life is an encroachment on private life.
A white lie is always pardonable. But he who tells the truth without compulsion merits no leniency.
There is no more unfortunate creature under the sun than a fetishist who yearns for a woman's shoe and has to settle for the whole woman.
How is the world ruled and led to war? Diplomats lie to journalists and believe these lies when they see them in print.
Morality is the tendency to pour out the baby with the bathwater.
The trouble with Germans is not that they fire shells, but that they engrave them with quotations from Kant.
Medicine: "Your money and your life!
Barbershop conversations are irrefutable proof that heads exist for the sake of hair.
Life is an effort that deserves a better cause.
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