The goal of online dating is to get offline as quickly as possible.
Make a list. Score your dates. Market yourself wisely. Find your needle.
Good profiles mentioned characteristics that would probably be true for all of us, such as: "I want someone who will make me laugh." About Me sections with fewer than a hundred words tend to be clearly popular. Short profiles that express just enough information to pique someone's interest work best.
Make your initial contact short and sweet. Five sentences or less, or under 150 words. If someone instant messages you while you're online, go ahead and IM them back if you want. Otherwise, wait twenty-two to twenty-three hours between email contacts for the first few messages. Don't send messages while most people are sleeping, even if you're wide-awake. Shoot for business hours or just after dinnertime.
A lot of people try to use sarcasm to flirt, and it tends not to read well. Most people who are successful at flirting do so via instant message instead of email. The best way to flirt is to care deeply about whatever your date is saying and to focus all of your attention on him or her. Ask thoughtful questions. Take a keen interest in the conversation. Be enthusiastic.
If you want true love and a long-lasting marriage, you need to start by figuring out what makes you happy.
Popular women use positive, optimistic language in their online profiles, not buzzwords like "future thinker". Here are the ten most often used words I found: easy-going, love, laugh, laid-back, optimistic, outgoing, fun, down-to-earth, pleasure, adventure.
Peak hours for sending a first email through the online dating system tended to be during work (eleven A.M. to four P.M.) and then just after dinner (seven P.M. to nine P.M.). I did have a few women send me a first message after eleven P.M. Those who did had an 82 percent chance of coming from a profile that had too many words.
If you're trying to cast the widest possible net to attract the largest selection of men or women, the last thing you should do is to start listing your income, political views, and the like. Avoid mentioning specific comedians, shows, or movies unless those are top-tier attributes on your list.
Most people don't wear glasses in the U.S., and we're not conditioned to finding men and women who wear glasses sexy. If you need your glasses to see, find a good optometrist who can outfit you with a great frame, thin lenses, and a high-quality anti-reflective coating.
Photos should focus on your waist up, unless you have amazing legs. Then it's okay to include one or two full-body shots in your gallery. The majority of your photos should be closer up, highlighting your face. Don't stage a smile. Instead, try to laugh just before the shot is taken. Flirty smiles that don't look cheesy also work. Make eye contact with the camera. Aim to take most of your photos outdoors.
It's an old, established rule, but "golden hour" lighting is ideal because the first and last hours of sunlight are diffuse and warm. For that reason, women with photos taken outside during those hours tended to look great.
Use between three and five photos in your gallery. Galleries with more photos are more competitive, but after five they seem to pass a point of saturation and diminishing return.
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Helen Fisher Researcher
Esther Perel Author
