For me to get through the toughest periods in my life, I had to look within to find the energy to do it. I don't give up. Never have. Never will.
Looking back, my whole life seems so surreal. I didn't just turn up on the doorstep playing rugby, I had to go through a whole lot of things to get there.
The biggest thing for me is just to get out on that field. Just to do that will be incredible.
How do I take a step? How do I lift my foot off the ground, move it through the air a little bit and then bring it down? I had to teach myself to walk again.
It's been a long road back to health and fitness for me. I am just glad to have been given the opportunity to do what I love most.
It was in 2003 that I realised there was no choice but to have dialysis treatment - by the time of the World Cup that year, I could barely walk. A year later, I finally had a kidney transplant.
When I was playing I felt tired all the time. My recovery period was a lot longer than the other players. They'd be ok after an hour - I'd have to stay in bed till the next session.
I have a stab wound on my left hip and one on my thigh and a slash mark across my right calf. I have a bottle stab wound on my left calf.
I thought about dying whenever I got bad news about other people.
It was like falling off a building and suddenly, bang, you hit the bottom. The first time it happened was on an ordinary day at home. I was taking down some curtains. I took one step, turned around, took another step and then I fell and hit my head hard on the rowing machine.
I was on dialysis for 18 months before the transplant, so it was important I tried to look ahead to days like my comeback this Saturday. You need those big goals to drive you on.
It's a really exciting time to be involved in Welsh rugby.
Towards the end of 2003 it was hard to get through training - and the darkest point was when a doctor told me there was a possibility I could end up in a wheelchair.
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