Bill Maher Quotes - Page 12

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• Old Testament, is really one of the most wickedest books you'll ever come across. God is an insecure, rage-filled hybrid of Bobby Knight and Suge Knight. He's got these anger issues that you can't believe. He's like John McCain if McCain could fart hail. He's pro-slavery, he's pro-polygamy, he's homophobic, he'll kill you for masturbating.

  Bill Maher

  Book, Believe, Insecure

  Source: movieweb.com

  8 Copy quote

• Every time [Rand Paul] opens his mouth, it gets a little crazier. Today he angrily demanded that the liberal media stop quoting him in context.

  Bill Maher

  Media, Mouths, Littles

  4 Copy quote

• I don't do heroin myself, but it's done wonders for my music collection.

  Bill Maher

  Done, Wonder, Heroin

  5 Copy quote

• You can't lie to kids about drugs. They know about drugs. You can't say they're just all bad. They know life is a little more complicated. I have never done heroin. I would never recommend heroin, but it hasn't hurt my record collection.

  Bill Maher

  Hurt, Lying, Kids

  6 Copy quote

• Even when [Federal Reserve Chairman Ben] Bernanke said the recession was over ... you think that would have been a bigger boom somewhere, but it seems we just take everything in stride.

  Bill Maher

  Thinking, Over You, Said

  7 Copy quote

• In today's Republican Party, there's a term for people who hate charity and love killing: 'Christian.'

  Bill Maher

  Christian, Hate, Party

  "Maher: Christians Are 'People Who Hate Charity And Love Killing'". www.realclearpolitics.com. September 17, 2011.

  7 Copy quote

• It could be anything. It could be Jesus and it could be the Furby and it could be the lint that lives in my navel, but it's probably not. Whatever it is, I doubt we as humans on Earth could have any perception of it while we're here. So, why give yourself a headache thinking about it. Just be a good person. That's what an ethicist is.

  Bill Maher

  Jesus, Thinking, Giving

  "Bill Maher Gets Ridiculous with Religulous". Interview with Brian Gallagher, movieweb.com. February 16, 2009.

  7 Copy quote

• Germs do not have a political party.

  Bill Maher

  Party, Political, Germs

  6 Copy quote

• It was quite a sight to see Obama next to President Hu. Obama has a Nobel Peace Prize in his basement, and Hu has a Nobel Peace Prize winner in his.

  Bill Maher

  Sight, President, Next

  8 Copy quote

• My policy is I am always more than happy to say, "I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings." What I am not willing to do is take back what I said. Unless I am wrong.

  Bill Maher

  Hurt, Sorry, Feelings

  Interview with Elizabeth Gettelman, www.motherjones.com. September 2008.

  7 Copy quote

• I don't think all life is precious. I know people say that all the time, "Life is precious." I think some life is precious, and some life is just a waste of protoplasm. Start over.

  Bill Maher

  Thinking, People, Starting Over

  Interview with Elizabeth Gettelman, www.motherjones.com. September 2008.

  15 Copy quote

• Donald Trump got the power of the government behind him now. He didn't have that before when he was just a clown. The Republican party is still with him. Including those state legislatures. Gerrymandering. He has basically Pravda in FOX News, in Breitbart, in Drudge.

  Bill Maher

  Party, Republican, Clown

  Source: www.realclearpolitics.com

  5 Copy quote

• This is my question for conservatives: don't you want to live, too?

  Bill Maher

  Want

  7 Copy quote

• Nowas you all know, this week, Pope Benedict told Vatican Radio—you know, Vatican Radio, playing the hits from the 8th century, 9th century and today—Benedict told them he was going to resign because the Church needs a fresh, young face, somewhere other than a priest's lap.

  Bill Maher

  Church, Needs, Lap

  7 Copy quote

• How come regional pandering only works in one direction, right? You never see a Southern politician trying to win votes in New York State by saying, 'I read books and make a mean vegan meatloaf.'

  Bill Maher

  New York, Book, Mean

  6 Copy quote

• In New York, Catholic groups have forced an art gallery to shut down an exhibition of a six-foot image of Jesus in chocolate. So, the Archbishop of New York was very upset. He said, 'It is appalling to make Jesus out of food! Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go bake some communion wafers.'

  Bill Maher

  Jesus, Art, Atheist

  7 Copy quote

• You know, we do a lot of complaining here in America. And that itself is something they can't do in a lot of other countries.

  Bill Maher

  Country, America, Complaining

  6 Copy quote

• We don't do sensible things. This is America.

  Bill Maher

  America, Sensible

  7 Copy quote

• People like the Mormons and the Scientologists, who I think should combine and make a Mormontologist because what they believe is just so out there it's just laughable.

  Bill Maher

  Believe, Thinking, People

  "Bill Maher Gets Ridiculous with Religulous". Interview with Brian Gallagher, movieweb.com. February 16, 2009.

  7 Copy quote

• Not a lot of people know about Tunisia. Sarah Palin thinks it's the name of one of Obama's kids.

  Bill Maher

  Kids, Thinking, Names

  25 Copy quote

• Ronald Reagan came from show business. His idea of how the government should help the homeless was like your agent. "We'll try to get you work. But don't bug us about it."

  Bill Maher

  Funny, Government, Ideas

  16 Copy quote

• People are very narcissistic. It's not all their fault. We live in a society where there is a magazine for you, a channel for you, a perfume for you.

  Bill Maher

  People, Narcissistic, Magazines

  Source: articles.latimes.com

  7 Copy quote

• [The Republicans] are always asking the Muslims to denounce their extremists. And I agree with them. But they don't take that note and do it among their own. They don't denounce their own extremists.

  Bill Maher

  Asking, Republican, Notes

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• What is Kanye West's message? Like most rap, "I am the greatest person ever and you're not." I used to call it affirmative action for the ego.

  Bill Maher

  Rap, Ego, West

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• People, especially the liberals, just live in this world where if anything is said that offends anybody even a little bit, not only does that person have to apologize; sometimes they have to go away forever. Go away, bad person. My analysis of this is that most of us don't do anything decent in our life. I'm not saying we're evil. I'm just saying we don't make a contribution, so the way they [liberals] think they're making a contribution is to point at the bad people [which] is somehow even more pathetic.

  Bill Maher

  Thinking, People, Evil

  Source: www.usatoday.com

  4 Copy quote

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