Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: 'Whose?'
There is bound to be a certain amount of trouble running any country. If you are president, the trouble happens to you. But if you are a tyrant you can arrange things so that most of the trouble happens to other people.
I once heard the survivors of a colony of ants that had been partially obliterated by a cow's foot seriously debating the intention of the gods towards their civilization.
The chief obstacle to the progress of the human race is the human race.
The trouble with the public is that there is too much of it; what we need in public is less quantity and more quality.
An optimist is a guy that has never had much experience.
A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists.
Happiness is the interval between periods of unhappiness.
Publishing a volume of verse is like dropping a rose petal down the Grand Canyon and waiting for the echo.
As the skull of the man grows broader, so do his creeds. And his gods they are shaped in his image and mirror his needs. And he clothes them with thunders and beauty, He clothes them with music and fire, Seeing not, as he bows by their altars, That he worships his own desire.
Insects have their own point of view about civilization a man thinks he amounts to a great deal but to a flea or a mosquito a human being is merely something good to eat.
When you can't have anything else, you can have virtue.
Life's too damn funny for me to explain.
I suppose the human race is doing the best it can but hells bells thats only an explanation its not an excuse.
He worked like hell in the country so he could live in the city, where he worked like hell so he could live in the country.
An optimist is the person who has never had any experience at all.
Honesty is a good thing, but it is not profitable to its possessor unless it is kept under control.
Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.
Between the years of ninety-two and a hundred and two, however, we shall be the ribald, useless, drunken, outcast person we have always wished to be. We shall have a long white beard and long white hair; we shall not walk at all, but recline in a wheel chair and bellow for alcoholic beverages; in the winter we shall sit before the fire with our feet in a bucket of hot water, a decanter of corn whiskey near at hand, and write ribald songs against organized society... We look forward to a disreputable, vigorous, unhonoured, and disorderly old age.
The most pleasant and useful persons are those who leave some of the problems of the universe for God to worry about.
In order to influence a child, one must be careful not to be that child's parent or grandparent.
fire is beautiful and we know that if we get too close it will kill us but what does that matter it is better to be happy for a moment and be burned up with beauty than to live a long time and be bored all the while
You want to know whether I believe in ghosts? Of course I do not believe in them. If you had known as many of them as I have, you would not believe in them either.
Punctuality is one of the cardinal business virtues: always insist on it in your subordinates.
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