Born Quotes - Page 29

• You're born absolutely free except for laws of nature, if you drink you get drunk, that's a law, if you get old you die, that's a law too; if you sit on a tack you will bleed from the ass, these are the only laws that you're born with.

  Doug Stanhope

  Law, Drunk, Ass

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• I was born into a family of gospel singers. My early ambitions were many. I was going to be a ballerina. I almost had that one come true until I tore a tendon, so I transferred from my toes to my throat and that's where the talent settled.

  Dionne Warwick

  Ambition, Singers, Toes

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• Often what is nearest is hardest of all to see - try asking a fish to define water. Distance opens a door to revelation. When the first great distances of space were conquered by technology, a camera altered the human perspective on the Earth as radically as Galileo did when he proved the sun was the center of the universe. The ecology movement was born from a photographically altered consciousness.

  Vicki Goldberg

  Distance, Technology, Doors

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• And isn't that weird? Think about this, when you're born, you nurse on your mama. And then you get a little older, you go to applesauce. And then you see these toddlers walking around with these Ziploc baggies full of Cheerios. Then you get to be my age, and the doctor wants you to start eating Cheerios to watch your cholesterol. Then you lose your teeth, you go to applesauce. I now know why old men like women with really big boobs. They see a trend. I mean, they call it a nursing home, hello.

  Bill Engvall

  Mean, Home, Nursing

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• I was born in Galveston, Texas in 1957 in the middle of a hurricane. I guess because of the drop in the barometric pressure it affected my brain and I was destined to become a stand up comic, although at that age I wasn't aware of my destiny.

  Bill Engvall

  Destiny, Texas, Brain

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• Being a parent is a life sentence. From the day that kid is born until the day you die and then some. Mom, there is nothing to forgive. You gave me life. And, hey, you're not crazy anymore. Everybody thinks I am. Real funny, mom.

  Christopher Titus

  Crazy, Real, Kids

  "Titus / The Visit". www.imdb.com. 2002.

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• When you're born, you're pure. Unspoiled and trusting. Some say, it's the only time we're perfect. You're also born covered in blood and placenta. No one gets nostalgic about that.

  Christopher Titus

  Blood, Perfect, Nostalgic

  "Titus / Sex with Pudding". www.imdb.com. 2000.

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• When you're born, you're pure. Unspoiled and trusting. I believed everything and everyone. Then, I met my parents!

  Christopher Titus

  Parent, Mets, Pure

  "Titus / Sex with Pudding". www.imdb.com. 2000.

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• How far would you go for someone you love ? I heard this story, about this woman, who actually lifted a car off of her baby. 'Course I would have said, Dude! Back up. But, wasn't my kid. When I was born, if I'd have known all the stuff my dad was going to do for me, I'd have crawled right back in.

  Christopher Titus

  Baby, Dad, Kids

  "Titus / The Test". www.imdb.com. 2000.

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• Humans are born, small, weak and helpless. That's why we have family. And the elders of the family are the honoured guardians of our country's history. Unfortunately, in America, we, you know, lock those elders away out of view in nursing homes and go about our little lives. It's a great national shame and an irredeemable tragedy. Oh well.

  Christopher Titus

  Country, Home, Nursing

  "Grandma Titus". "Titus" (TV Series), www.imdb.com. 2002.

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• Humans are born, weak and helpless. We're cursed with natural predators called parents. That's why the grandma was created. To protect us. Oh sure, she's old and frail. But she can kick your dad's ass.

  Christopher Titus

  Dad, Grandma, Parent

  "Titus", www.imdb.com. 2000-2002.

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• In my years of photography I have learned that many things can be sensed, seen, shaped, or resolved in a realm of quiet, well in advance of, or between, the actual clicking of shutters and the sloshing of films and papers in chemical solutions. I work to attain a state of heart, a gentle space offering inspirational substance that could purify one's vision. Photography, like music, must be born in the unmanifest world of the spirit.

  Paul Caponigro

  Photography, Heart, Space

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• I can drink like a fish, or at least, someone born with fetal alcohol syndrome.

  Anthony Jeselnik

  Alcohol, Drink, Syndromes

  Twitter post from Jul 24, 2013

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• I'm not even worried about settling down. I think it's way too early. I'm 25 and I'm in show business. I mean, if things go well, my wife hasn't even been born yet.

  Arj Barker

  Mean, Thinking, Wife

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• Christ was born in a manger, laying down amongst donkeys ang goats. He was given gifts of incense and perfume. No kidding.

  Dana Gould

  Goats, Incense, Laying Down

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• If life begins at conception, but you can be born again later, only to live on eternally after death, what's the big deal about anything?

  Dana Gould

  Born Again, Bigs, After Death

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• I was born an emotional tampon in a cauldron of dysfunction.

  Dana Gould

  Emotional, Dysfunction, Tampons

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• I grew up in a town called Hopedale, Massachusetts. I was born there in 1964, and the only thing I hate outside of myself is everything else.

  Dana Gould

  Hate, Massachusetts, Towns

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• I believe God wrote the Word in your essence. That's the genius of my Father. You are born knowing right from wrong. You don't need a book to tell you that!

  Eddie Griffin

  Father, Believe, Book

  "Eddie Griffin: Freedom of Speech". Documentary, Comedy, www.imdb.com. 2008.

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• I was born in Sinaloa, Mexico, along with two of my siblings. The rest were born here in the United States. I didn't know we were illegal until I was in the 8th grade. We would call other kids wetbacks, but we were the real wetbacks!

  Felipe Esparza

  Sibling, Real, Kids

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• I was born when my dad was 50... It's weird growing up with a dad that much older than you. We'd go to the movies, we're both getting discounts.

  Gary Gulman

  Growing Up, Dad, Discounts

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• We're born alone and we die alone. So in between, let's spend time with people that make us feel good... or at least put-out.

  Dov Davidoff

  People, Feel Good, Spend Time

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• Like my father I, too, was born in Central America - Nebraska.

  Carlos Mencia

  Father, America, Nebraska

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• I was born in Honduras, that's where I was born. I live in California, where no matter what you say, you're Mexican. You understand that? It doesn't matter what you say. See - you don't understand that, white people, because wherever you go, you're white. You're here, you're white. You go to L. A., you're white. You go to Denver, you're white. You go to Miami, you're still white. In L. A. I'm a Mexican, In Florida, I'm a Cuban. In New York, I'm a Puerto Rican. And when I come to Canada and I find out I'm an Eskimo.

  Carlos Mencia

  New York, Florida, California

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• You know, the energy I think I was just born with. I think I was just always like that as I kid; I was always real energetic.

  Godfrey

  Real, Kids, Thinking

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