Congress is debating a kill switch that would allow President Obama to freeze all activity on the internet if there was a national emergency. The kill switch goes by the top-secret code name 'Microsoft Windows.'
The turkey that President Obama will pardon this Thanksgiving is from California. The turkey said, "I don't need a pardon. I need a job.'
President Obama filled in as the coach of his daughter Sasha's basketball team. Sasha evidently listened to her Dad, because all she did was drive straight down the center and piss everyone off.
A new report just came out that says President Obama has mentioned Jesus Christ in more speeches than President Bush did. Can you believe that? Still, neither has used the phrase 'Oh God, oh God,' more than President Clinton.
President Obama said the small drone that flew over the White House fence yesterday could be bought at any RadioShack. After hearing this, the RadioShack CEO said, 'I'm shocked to find out we still sell something people want.'
The Secret Service said there have been 40 fence-jumping incidents at the White House in the past five years. Half of them were intruders trying to get in. The other half was President Obama trying to get out.
President Obama, by the way, has set a Guinness World Record as the fastest person to get a million Twitter followers. Obama now has as many followers as the Republicans have presidential candidates.
President Obama held a ceremony at the White House to celebrate the first night of Hanukkah. In response, Republicans said, 'It's even worse than we thought. He's a Jewish Muslim.'
President Obama has appointed a transgender woman to a position in the Department of Commerce. You know, in this era of partisan bickering, President Obama deserves a lot of credit for taking a chance on Ann Coulter, I think.
At the State of the Union address last night, President Obama made history by using the words transgender, lesbian, and bisexual in that speech. It was the part of the speech where he was just reading Craigslist personals.
People in China criticized President Obama for chewing gum while entering the economic summit in Beijing. They're saying he looked like a rapper. Then again, to be fair, in China I look like a rapper.
Donald Trump said that if President Obama releases his birth certificate, Trump will release his tax return. Obama said he won't run for a second term if Trump releases that thing on his head.
A new poll shows that Tiger Woods' popularity has dropped from 85 percent to 33 percent. President Obama's popularity is also at 33 percent, but Tiger had more fun getting there.
A congressman sent a tweet that compared president Obama to Adolf Hitler. He has now apologized. It's not helping that he apologized to Hitler.
President Obama and Vladimir Putin are both in China attending the same economic summit. Obama saw Putin and said, 'After those midterms, it's nice to finally see a friendly face.'
Yesterday, President Obama prank-called a Washington radio station, calling himself 'Barry from D.C.' Then, just to mess with him, Obama called Glenn Beck's radio show as 'B. Hussein from Kenya.'
President Obama filled out his March Madness bracket. You can tell Obama's mind is elsewhere because his top two picks were Israel and Iran.
A congressman from Texas sent out a tweet comparing President Obama to Hitler. That is ridiculous because at this point in his career Hitler had a much higher approval rating.
For the first time ever, a black Republican woman has been elected to Congress. President Obama told her, 'You are all set. This country never turns against a black anything.'
President Obama answered questions on YouTube today. He was asked 7,500 times about legalizing marijuana. And that was just from Chad in Portland.
President Obama gave a speech about healthcare tonight, and yesterday he gave a pep talk to students. He told them that in order to succeed they need to work hard and study hard. Then today, former President George W. Bush presented the rebuttal.
President Obama has decided that he wants his presidential library to be in Chicago, not Hawaii. Today Hawaii's governor said, 'Great, who's going to want to come to Hawaii now?'
President Obama announced that he's going to reopen diplomatic relations with Cuba. He wants to act before Seth Rogen makes a movie about Castro.
Kim Kardashian tweeted that she is supporting President Obama in the midterm elections. I think it worked because all of the polls are predicting that after tonight Barack Obama will still be president of the United States.
According to some reports coming out of Washington today, President Obama said Kanye West is a 'jackass.' Not since 'yes, we can' has Obama found a slogan so many Americans can get behind.
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