I make a lot of jokes about vegetarians in my act but most of them don't have the strength to protest.
Marriage is when two people are joined together to become one desperately boring person.
If you expect a kick in the balls and you get a slap in the face, it's a victory.
Football is the best way to get to know a people and a city.
Running is never fun. Running is something that you do when there's a man chasing you with a knife.
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