Bo Burnham Funny Quotes

Quotes about: Funny

• Quotes are for dumb people who can't think of something intelligent to say on their own.

  Bo Burnham

  Funny, Humor, Intelligent

  Twitter post from Jul 20, 2010

• Was Einstein's theory good? Relatively.

  Bo Burnham

  Funny, Humor, Theory

  Song: Bo' Fo' Sho', Album: Bo Fo Sho

• If I had a dime for every time a homeless guy asked me for change, I'd still say no.

  Bo Burnham

  Funny, Humor, Guy

  Song: Ex-Girlfriend Racial Humor, Album: Words Words Words, 2010

• When life gets you down, make a comforter!

  Bo Burnham

  Funny, Humor, Comforter

• Twitter is a lot like crystal meth, because it's really fun to do and Oprah's on it.

  Bo Burnham

  Funny, Humor, Crystals

  Twitter post from Oct 1, 2009

• Poverty. Racism. Isn't it strange, only the homeless are begging for change?

  Bo Burnham

  Funny, Humor, Racism

• I stopped and I thought, 'What would Jesus do?' So I didn't exist.

  Bo Burnham

  Funny, Jesus, Humor

• When I tried to hit puberty I swung and I missed.

  Bo Burnham

  Funny, Humor, Comedy

  Song: I'm Bo Yo

• I love you like a gay geneticist loves designer genes.

  Bo Burnham

  Funny, Love You, Humor

• In the distance, Bo saw a fairy. A fairy so beautiful that he felt proud of being called one in highschool.

  Bo Burnham

  Funny, Beautiful, Distance

• And an anteater plus a large hungry mutant ant? An ironic way to die.

  Bo Burnham

  Funny, Humor, Ironic

  Song: New Math, Album: Bo Burnham

• People ask me all the time, ALL the time, they say the same exact thing. They say, 'Bo, you're an artist... how do we fix Africa?'

  Bo Burnham

  Funny, Humor, Artist

• All you god damn dirty Catholics can cath-o-lick my balls.

  Bo Burnham

  Funny, Dirty, Humor

  Song: Klan Kookout, Album: Bo Burnham

• For fifteen cents a day you can feed an African, they eat pennies.

  Bo Burnham

  Funny, Humor, Fifteen

  Song: Haikus Sonnet Shakespeare, Album: Words Words Words

• Women are like fingers and toes because they're easy to count on.

  Bo Burnham

  Funny, Humor, Toes

  Song: Men & Women, Album: Words Words Words

• I'm gay for Jesus, fill me with your grace. Pour your love all over me, but please aim away from my face.

  Bo Burnham

  Funny, Jesus, Humor

• Women are like puzzles because prior to 1920 neither had the right to vote. Puzzles still don't.

  Bo Burnham

  Funny, Humor, Comedy

  Song: Men And Women, Album: Words Words Words

• There's a metal train that a mile long and at the very back end a lightning bolt struck her. How long til it reaches and kills the driver, provided that he's a good conductor?

  Bo Burnham

  Funny, Humor, Long

  Song: New Math, Album: Bo Burnham

• I'm a stand up comic and I always sit and slouch, and I got my girlfriend pregnant on my sterile uncles pull-out couch.

  Bo Burnham

  Funny, Girlfriend, Uncles

  Song: Ironic, Album: Words Words Words, 2010

• Back home they call me the tie-dye shirt kid. Well, that and faggot.

  Bo Burnham

  Funny, Home, Humor

• I get more ass than a giant donkey stable.

  Bo Burnham

  Funny, Humor, Giants

  Song: Bo' Fo' Sho', Album: Bo Fo Sho

• Where are all the sour patch parents?

  Bo Burnham

  Funny, Humor, Parent

  Song: Binary Reality, Album: Words Words Words, 2010

• And if ten percent of men are gay and twenty percent of men are Chinese, what are the odds that a men chosen at random spends his free time and mealtime while on his knees.

  Bo Burnham

  Funny, Humor, Gay

  Song: New Math, Album: Bo Burnham

• Drugs kill, just like cancer. So don't smoke... tumors.

  Bo Burnham

  Funny, Cancer, Humor

• Humour is often linked to shared experience. Like, a guy gets up and says, "Have you noticed public restrooms have really inefficient hand-dryers?" Oh my God, yes I have, hahaha, really
  good point, they should... fix that. It's good to know that somebody finally gets me!

  Bo Burnham

  Funny, Humor, Hands

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