Tim Allen Quotes - Page 3

Quotes about:

• Men aren't allowed to have self-esteem, because we're already supposed to have all the power.... But most men earn less than they want, barely the minimum wage. They're drones. They do stuff they don't want to do to support their families, and they're not sure why they do it. They don't know what they're doing half the time, and any time we stick up for ourselves, we're pigs because we don't know how to articulate our frustrations and joys.

  Tim Allen

  Self Esteem, Frustration, Men

  8 Copy quote

• Women are brilliant. Every woman knows how to do the weirdest thing right out of the bucket. Every woman knows how to do that Hindu head wrap with the towel out of the shower. A typhoon couldn't blow that thing off their heads. Ever try to do that? You look like a drunk Iraqi soldier.

  Tim Allen

  Blow, Drunk, Soldier

  9 Copy quote

• I have a thing for tools.

  Tim Allen

  Tools

  "Biography / Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• But separate a man from his car - that's inhuman.

  Tim Allen

  Men, Car, Inhuman

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• Men are liars. We'll lie about lying if we have to. I'm an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.

  Tim Allen

  Funny, Positive, Liars

  "Land Your Dream Job: High-Performance Techniques to Get Noticed, Get Hired, and Get Ahead". Book by John Middleton, Ken Langdon, and Nikki Cartwright, 2007.

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• I like Pixie Sticks. Yeah, screw the middle man. Just a tube of sugar... I'd pour two of those in a big 12 ounce coke. And I'd go out to catechism class and try to concentrate on the priest. I saw Jesus several times. I swear I did.

  Tim Allen

  Jesus, Men, Class

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  6 Copy quote

• Use a screwdriver instead of a hammer. Try to untighten the nut with your hand. Utilize the path of least resistance first.

  Tim Allen

  Hands, Nuts, Trying

  "Tim Allen: What I've Learned" by Cal Fussman, www.esquire.com. November 2011.

  11 Copy quote

• Men are pigs. Too bad we own everything.

  Tim Allen

  Men, Pigs, Comedy

  "It's a Man's World: 800 Jokes from the Guy's (Warped) Point of View". Book by Judy Brown, 2005.

  10 Copy quote

• Never comment on a woman's rear end. Never use the words 'large' or 'size' with 'rear end'. Never. Avoid the area altogether. Trust me.

  Tim Allen

  Use, Size, Comedy

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  6 Copy quote

• I know it sounds odd, but I want to make a Rolex-quality screwdriver.

  Tim Allen

  Quality, Sound, Want

  “Tim Allen: What I've Learned” by Cal Fussman, www.esquire.com. October 11, 2011.

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• My dad's death reminds me of earthquakes - things that shake your foundation.

  Tim Allen

  Dad, Earthquakes, Foundation

  "Don't Stand Too Close to a Naked Man". Book by Tim Allen, September 20, 1994.

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• If it doesn't say Binford on it, somebody else probably made it.

  Tim Allen

  Made, Made It, Ifs

  4 Copy quote

• In my experience, it's all wonderful with girls until about 16. Around that time, boys kind of calm down and start focusing their testosterone. Girls get a little challenging, especially for fathers.

  Tim Allen

  Girl, Father, Boys

  "Biography / Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  18 Copy quote

• I have way too many commitments. I get pulled in too many directions and I never seem to be able to satisfy anybody. People get turned on by knowing a celebrity, even my friends and family. They feel that there's something exciting about me, but in reality there's no substance to it. People in airports just hold on to me expecting something and it seems that I always come up empty. It's frustrating because I'm trying to please everybody, and ya just can't do that ... at least I can't.

  Tim Allen

  Commitment, Reality, Airports

  "An interview with Tim Allen". Interview to Laugh Factory Magazine, www.timallen.com. 1994.

  4 Copy quote

• I've always felt, and I don't like to say this because I sound like an ex-patriot, I always feel quite a bit more comfortable sometimes in Canada. For a variety of reasons. I just think it's a politer place. Kind of. You don't have quite the population to deal with but you don't immediately get into skirmishes with everybody. If you had any passport, any terrorist would let the Canadians off the plane.

  Tim Allen

  Thinking, Sound, Population

  7 Copy quote

• The world's a mean place. It's unfair, then it's fair. It's hateful, then it's loving. It's a very peculiar place on philosophical and metaphysical and religious levels.

  Tim Allen

  Religious, Philosophical, Mean

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• Boys can be disgusting. You can't leave us alone for any length of time because we will burn something, blow something up or paint something. We're just obnoxious.

  Tim Allen

  Blow, Boys, Paint

  "Tim Allen Talks LAST MAN STANDING, Classic Sitcoms, Stand-Up, and the Future of the TOY STORY Series". Interview with Christina Radish, collider.com. April 3, 2012.

  8 Copy quote

• Comedy is the ultimate anarchist.

  Tim Allen

  Comedy, Anarchist, Ultimate

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• I am a thespian trapped in a man's body.

  Tim Allen

  Men, Body, Thespians

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• I wonder if to stare into the face of God will drive me crazy. (I wonder who would blink first.)

  Tim Allen

  God, Crazy, Humorous

  Tim Allen (1996). “I'm Not Really Here”, Hyperion

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• I love women. I actually prefer girls, as a parent, because they disappoint at a different age. They go through that, "Dad's an idiot," which lasted a little longer than I'd like.

  Tim Allen

  Girl, Dad, Parent

  "Tim Allen Talks LAST MAN STANDING, Classic Sitcoms, Stand-Up, and the Future of the TOY STORY Series". Interview with Christina Radish, collider.com. April 3, 2012.

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• In the last three years of racing I've met as many women fans as men fans, and in NASCAR it's the same thing. My wife loves cars, but the difference is she doesn't have 20 years of understanding the background of them. She basically drives them and uses her gut feelings as to which is best.

  Tim Allen

  Men, Years, Differences

  4 Copy quote

• I have an only child. She's so independent and good with adults.

  Tim Allen

  Children, Independent, Adults

  "Biography / Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• I think there's a percentage [of the audience] that don't realize, that don't know that [standup] is how everything began. We planned it, we work hard, rehearsals to get this. It's more of a ... it's not just coming in there in a T-shirt and holding a microphone.

  Tim Allen

  Hard Work, Thinking, Rehearsal

  4 Copy quote

• I had a very easy time loving an audience. But when it's one-on-one with somebody, all I wanted to do was run away, because maybe they're going to want something from me I can't give, or they're going to hurt me.

  Tim Allen

  Running, Hurt, Want Something

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