In my adolescence, love, as I think for most of us, was a tremendous focus. I wanted to find the perfect partner. I did and married her.
I realized after being married for some time that it wasn't enough. It wasn't enough to lead an individual life where I loved on person and we created a world together.
I was very fortunate, and have always been, that the women I met and fell in love with were exceptional, from my first girlfriend to the woman I married when I was 21, to all the remarkable women I have known as either friends or lovers.
I explored alternate states of consciousness at one period of my life through psychedelics, as was the fashion with all my friends.
It was a time period in the 1960, when a generation of souls looked at the established society, looked at the pettiness, the greed, the hate, and rejected it and tried to create something new. Their creation neither succeeded nor failed. It was another experience.
We sought a tribal society, to be close to each other, not to sit behind a television with our families and not see our families, not just to watch the evening news and the inane comedies designed to pacify the multitudes, but rather to explore ourselves.
We experimented and we experienced many altered states of awareness. We used the power plants. I did that for a year or two.
With the use of psychedelics, it was all based around the Tibetan Book of the Dead, using them to experience enlightenment.
I learned about the benefits and the vast limitations of such types of exploration, as did all my generation.
I started to meditate formally at about 18. I would sit on a mountaintop in Southern California around twilight and focus on my third eye. Everything would become still and rings of light would appear, and I'd go through them. I would be beyond time and space.
My travels to the Far East occurred primarily during the 1960's. Naturally, I have returned many times since. Of course, there was concern from my family that I was traveling to far distant lands to accomplish snowboarding activities that no one had tried yet.
Originally, I was interested in athletic pursuits like snowboarding, martial arts and surfing. When I went to the Himalayas and met a number of Buddhist monks I was introduced to a new way of looking at life.
I was initiated as a Buddhist monk at the age of 19, but I think that initiation is simply a starting point.
I meditated on my own for some time, read spiritual books, became a vegetarian and had incredible experiences every day, every meditation, where I was just thrown into the infinite - never realizing that other people didn't necessarily have those experiences in meditation that quickly.
I never considered myself to be special. If anything, I considered myself to be awkward, and still do sometimes.
I entered a spiritual community when I was 20, which I was in for 11 year, with very strict meditative practices, with an Eastern teacher. It was very much like a religious order.
The training was rigorous, hundreds and thousands of hours of meditation, self-giving. But it was easy. I loved it. I would merge again and again with the superconscious in meditation.
At the same time, I went through college, received a Ph.D. and started to teach. I wrote books.
I was drawn to the arts because I sensed that I was by nature Bohemian, and yet very conservative.
In poetry, and in my study in graduate school, I was drawn to a particular poet, Theodore Roethke. I did a dissertation on "The Evolution of Matter and Spirit in the Poetry of Theodore Roethke" for my Ph.D.
I did well in school. I had lots of honors, so I thought I was quite smart.
I was drawn to be very solitary as a scholar. I lived a very quiet life, aloof, with my books, with my walks in nature, meditating, and of course with my teacher.
I was very dawn to people I loved, to my family, to my father, to my sister, to my brothers.
I was very immersed in the world. I'm very worldly. I love world. I was immersed in my career, in school, in teaching.
I lived in a community where celibacy was the rule. My I saw many people asked to leave the ashram for so much as looking intensely at a member of the opposite sex.
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