Basically, my life is so boring, it's embarrassing.
I'm a laugh tart. I make no secret of that fact.
My grandmother was utterly convinced I'd wind up as the Archbishop of Canterbury. And, to be honest, I've never entirely ruled it out.
I just don't believe in love at first sight any more, even though I've based my whole career on the concept.
There is space in the supermarket shelf for all of us.
Now [after doing Pilates], I have muscles of steel and could easily deal with giving birth.
I had Courtney Love's left bosom out of her dress on my plate in front of me. It was extraordinary. I didn't know where to look.
But when you're a celebrity, you discover that you're no longer the pursuer, but the one being pursued. That's one of the disappointments I have had since becoming a single man.
I find it hard to understand why Scorsese has never called. You know, given the natural menace I bring to the screen.
I cling to the fantasy that I could have done something more creative. Like actually writing a script, or writing a book. But the awful truth is that I... probably can't!
My dad used to have to open the second bottle of wine in the loo in case Mum heard the cork coming out.
In the last couple of weeks I have seen the ads for the Wonder Bra.
Is that really a problem in this country? Men not paying enough attention to women’s breasts?
The only reason my work seems to be eclectic up to a certain period is because I was a failure as an actor.
I don't particularly like babies. I don't mind them for about four minutes. That's my max. After that I can't quite see what everyone's fussing about.
Most actors really love it, that's what they want to do. They burn to do it. And so they'll read a script and think, that's an interesting part. And because they love acting, that blinds them to the fact that the rest of it is pretentious nonsense, which it very often is.
And film acting is incredibly tedious, just by its nature. It's incredibly, mind numbingly slow.
Women are frightening. If you get to 41 as a man, you're quite battle-scarred.
Plus, teaching brings home to you very fast that you actually know nothing. I didn't realize that before.
When I think about actors I know, I'd much rather hear about who they're shagging than what film they're doing next.
And I particularly like the whole thing of being boss. Boss and employee... It's the slave quality that I find very alluring.
I could do with more mobbing. Particularly from women. I'd like to be treated like Ricky Martin.
The moral of filmmaking in Britain is that you will be screwed by the weather.
The reason I turn down 99% of a hundred, I mean a thousand, scripts is because romantic comedies are often very romantic but seldom very funny.
At home, I hardly ever leave London. I don't like the countryside in England.
You know everyone loves to be the villain.
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