No man can smile in the face of adversity and mean it.
There is something in the red of a raspberry pie that looks as good to a man as the red in a sheep looks to a wolf.
Some people never have anything except ideals.
Farmers only worry during the growing season, but townspeople worry all the time.
If you want to know how old a woman is . . . ask her sister-in-law.
The only gambling tip which amounts to anything is to keep out of the game.
Many people would be more truthful were it not for their uncontrollable desire to talk.
A reasonable probability is the only certainty.
No scheme pays as well as legitimate business.
The average man's judgment is so poor, he runs a risk every time he uses it.
There is no such thing as a convincing argument, although every man thinks he has one.
If the fools do not control the world, it isn't because they are not in the majority.
It may be a cold, clammy thing to say, but those that treat friendship the same as any other selfishness seem to get the most out of it.
Don't take up a man's time talking about the smartness of your children; he wants to talk to you about the smartness of his children.
Love affairs have always greatly interested me, but I do not greatly care for them in books or moving pictures. In a love affair, I wish to be the hero, with no audience present.
Fishing seems to be the favorite form of loafing.
As soon as the people fix one Shame of the World, another turns up.
When a man dies, and his kin are glad of it, they say, "He is better off."
There is no get-rich-quick scheme equal to a poor girl marrying a rich man.
The man who insists he as good as anybody, believes he is better.
There must be some good in the cocktail party to account for its immense vogue among otherwise sane people.
When a man asks your advice, he usually tells you just how he expects you to decide.
In thousands of years there has been no advance in public morals, in philosophy, in religion or in politics, but the advance in business has been the greatest miracle the world has ever known.
Friends are like a pleasant park where you wish to go; while you may enjoy the flowers, you may not eat them.
Nothing is wonderful when you get used to it.
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