Anthony Jeselnik Quotes About Mom

Quotes about: Mom

• When I finished high school, I wanted to take all my graduation money and buy myself a motorcycle. But my mom said no. See, she had a brother who died in a horrible motorcycle accident when he was 18. And I could just have his motorcycle.

  Anthony Jeselnik

  Funny, Mom, Brother

• My mom's been having a hard time lately. She just found out that she has to have both of her breasts removed - if she's ever going to be good at golf.

  Anthony Jeselnik

  Funny, Mom, Humor

• She got really mad a month ago, because she had e-mailed me a naked picture of herself - which is a nice thing to do - but then I messed up, and I accidentally forwarded that e-mail to both of my parents. Now, my girlfriend is furious, mortified, but I don't even care, 'cause now I have to call up my mother and say 'Mom, I am so sorry - that picture was just for dad.'

  Anthony Jeselnik

  Funny, Mom, Mother

• My mom, for most of her life, was a Holocaust denier. And it was terrible for the entire family to have to deal with until, finally, a couple years ago, we had an intervention. And we had a rabbi come into the home, had him walk her through the history of the Jewish people, and then he made her watch "Schindler's List." And after that, my mom did a complete 180. Now she can't believe it only happened once.

  Anthony Jeselnik

  Funny, Mom, Couple

• My girlfriend is despicable. I just found out she flirted with my brother, during my mom's funeral, while I was asleep.

  Anthony Jeselnik

  Mom, Girlfriend, Brother

  Twitter post from Sep 25, 2010

• I hated my mom for not letting me play football as a kid. So when I have kids someday, I guarantee they'll never meet their grandmother.

  Anthony Jeselnik

  Mom, Football, Kids

  Twitter post from Oct 12, 2010

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