Andy Kindler Quotes - Page 3

Quotes about:

• I'm Jewish... We're a very nervous group. Paranoid. Anxiety-ridden. Maybe that Hitler thing made us a little jumpy. Nothing like a Holocaust to make you mind your Ps and Qs for a couple hundred years I always say.

  Andy Kindler

  Couple, Years, Holocaust

  5 Copy quote

• Comedy Central made their own awards show. They were named best comedy channel.

  Andy Kindler

  Awards, Comedy, Made

  4 Copy quote

• Why does Louis CK get named Comedy Person of the Year? I should be named Comedy Person of the Year just so I can parlay it into another few weeks of road work.

  Andy Kindler

  Years, Doe, Comedy

  4 Copy quote

• President Obama. He is the man. I've tried the rest, and he is the best. My dream is for him to appoint me to be the Secretary of Humor. My first act will be to make whatever Larry the Cable Guy is doing illegal.

  Andy Kindler

  Dream, Men, Guy

  4 Copy quote

• My friend taught me this one. You take the heel of your hand, you can shove someone's nose right through their brain. I can't even watch someone blow their nose. If I'm in a fight, I'm not gonna be shoving or poking, I'm gonna be running or begging - that's my two choices, right there.

  Andy Kindler

  Running, Fighting, Blow

  4 Copy quote

• I was in Philadelphia - a very angry town, Philadelphia. I've never seen a town like this. It's supposed to be the City of Brotherly Love - like when my brother was 12 and I was nine, and he would lean on my shoulder and dangle spit in my face.

  Andy Kindler

  Brother, Cities, Philadelphia

  4 Copy quote

• I was recently voted best standup never to win a major.

  Andy Kindler

  Winning, Majors

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• I don't think there's anything Craig Ferguson could say that would make me laugh. Ad-libbing is not the same as entertainment.

  Andy Kindler

  Thinking, Laughing, Ferguson

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• I don't really know what's wrong with Jay Leno. I don't have the training to make a professional diagnosis.

  Andy Kindler

  Training, Diagnosis, Knows

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• I believe at the end of my career I'll be retired into the recurring character hall of fame.

  Andy Kindler

  Believe, Character, Careers

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• Alexander Graham Bell was the first person to ever sarcastically say hello. Hellooo, I invented the telephone!

  Andy Kindler

  Bells, Telephones, Firsts

  4 Copy quote

• Once when Larry the Cable Guy was on Conan's show, Conan O'Brien was so offended by Larry's material, he had to walk away from the desk he was so offended.

  Andy Kindler

  Guy, Conan, Desks

  4 Copy quote

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