Andy Kindler Quotes - Page 2

Quotes about:

• Judah Friedlander, I'm ok with you being the world champion for a few years more. That's a hook with legs. But I think he should make one more hat, that says 'there's a limit to how funny words on a hat can be'. And then move to a chapeau.

  Andy Kindler

  Moving, Thinking, Years

  4 Copy quote

• I don't know if it's the weather or what's going on - the summer or something like that - but recently I've been feeling extremely bisexual. I don't know what it is. I don't know what's going on, but I walked down the street and, suddenly, the ladies are looking awfully good to me.

  Andy Kindler

  Summer, Bisexual, Weather

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• Tracy Morgan apologizes for his homophobic rant, still no apologies for the sketch about the guy living under the street.

  Andy Kindler

  Apology, Guy, Apologizing

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• I have no sympathy for the people who went to Charlie Sheen's show and were disappointed. That didn't seem very organized! That guy's all over the map!

  Andy Kindler

  People, Guy, Maps

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• Kevin James is going to do a couple of specials. One's called It's Getting Muggy In Here.

  Andy Kindler

  Couple, Kevin

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• Entertainment Weekly said that Parks and Rec is the smartest comedy on tv. Call me when it's the funniest.

  Andy Kindler

  Parks And Rec, Entertainment, Tvs

  4 Copy quote

• Larry the Cable Guy has signed a deal with Cracker Barrel. Not the store. He signed a deal with a barrel full of angry rednecks.

  Andy Kindler

  Redneck, Guy, Crackers

  4 Copy quote

• I don't know what Tracy Morgan does on stage, but I can assure you it's no act.

  Andy Kindler

  Doe, Stage, Tracy

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• I'm still working on my time machine. If I ever perfect it, I'm going back in time to prevent Ace Ventura 2 from being made. And then I'm going after Hitler.

  Andy Kindler

  Perfect, Machines, Aces

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• If I don't believe in Jesus, maybe I don't believe in Hell. Did you ever think of that? You're so excited about it, why don't you go to Hell? It's your concept; you invented it.

  Andy Kindler

  Jesus, Believe, Thinking

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• Alexander Graham Bell was the first person to ever sarcastically say hello. Hellooo, I invented the telephone!

  Andy Kindler

  Bells, Telephones, Firsts

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• I don't think there's anything Craig Ferguson could say that would make me laugh. Ad-libbing is not the same as entertainment.

  Andy Kindler

  Thinking, Laughing, Ferguson

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• Once when Larry the Cable Guy was on Conan's show, Conan O'Brien was so offended by Larry's material, he had to walk away from the desk he was so offended.

  Andy Kindler

  Guy, Conan, Desks

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• I was recently voted best standup never to win a major.

  Andy Kindler

  Winning, Majors

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• Pixar has announced Larry the Cable Guy will be starring in Cars 3 thru 6. Howie Mandel will be playing his sidekick, Mopey the Moped.

  Andy Kindler

  Car, Guy, Sidekicks

  4 Copy quote

• Adam Carolla is like Hitler if Hitler wasn’t funny.

  Andy Kindler

  Adam, Ifs

  "JFL 42 Presents: Andy Kindler". The Underground Interview, the-underground.ca. September 19, 2013.

  4 Copy quote

• George Lopez has to get a physical comedy checkup every year to make sure his bulging eyes don't get out of control... Good news George... you are humor free! There's no sign of comedy anywhere in your blood stream.

  Andy Kindler

  Eye, Blood, Years

  4 Copy quote

• Dave Rath is recovering. A month ago he had hip pocket replacement surgery.

  Andy Kindler

  Pockets, Months, Hips

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• BJ Novak gets the Perseverance Award for graduating from Harvard and being unemployed for the entire plane ride to Los Angeles.

  Andy Kindler

  Perseverance, Awards, Graduates

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• Whenever I watch the beginning of Jimmy Fallon, I feel like I should sue the Roots for bait and switch.

  Andy Kindler

  Roots, Bait, Watches

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• I was in Philadelphia - a very angry town, Philadelphia. I've never seen a town like this. It's supposed to be the City of Brotherly Love - like when my brother was 12 and I was nine, and he would lean on my shoulder and dangle spit in my face.

  Andy Kindler

  Brother, Cities, Philadelphia

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• I watched Anderson Cooper 360 for a year before I realized that the second hour was a repeat of the first. I just thought his reporting seemed familiar.

  Andy Kindler

  Years, Firsts, Hours

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• I actually performed at an orthodox Jewish wedding, where the men were separated from the women, but they both came together to not enjoy what I was talking about.

  Andy Kindler

  Men, Talking, Together

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• People are trying so hard to become famous. Johnny Marbles, he tried to throw a pie in Rupert Murdoch's face. What do I gotta do, give Sumner Redstone a wedgie?

  Andy Kindler

  Pie, People, Giving

  7 Copy quote

• The saddest day in Pixar history was when some guy said 'get Larry the Cable Guy on the phone.

  Andy Kindler

  Phones, Guy, Pixar

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