Stephen Leacock Quotes - Page 2

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• In earlier times they had no statistics and so they had to fall back on lies. Hence the huge exaggerations of primitive literature, giants, miracles, wonders! It's the size that counts. They did it with lies and we do it with statistics: but it's all the same.

  Stephen Leacock

  Lying, Fall, Science

  Stephen Leacock (1939). “Model memoirs and other sketches from simple to serious”

  21 Copy quote

• You know, many a man realizes late in life that if when he was a boy he had known what he knows now, instead of being what he is he might be what he won't; but how few boys stop to think that if they knew what they don't know instead of being what they will be, they wouldn't be?

  Stephen Leacock

  Boys, Men, Thinking

  Stephen Leacock (2014). “Literary Lapses”, p.26, The Floating Press

  8 Copy quote

• It takes a good deal of physical courage to ride a horse. This, however, I have. I get it at about forty cents a flask, and take it as required.

  Stephen Leacock

  Horse, Economy, Flasks

  1910 Literary Lapses,'Reflections on Riding'.

  19 Copy quote

• Life, we learn too late, is in the living, the tissue of every day and hour.

  Stephen Leacock

  Life, Learning, Too Late

  Stephen Leacock (2012). “Feast of Stephen”, p.105, McClelland & Stewart

  10 Copy quote

• In Canada we have enough to do keeping up with two spoken languages ... so we just go right ahead and use English for literature, Scotch for sermons, and American for conversation.

  Stephen Leacock

  Two, Scotch, Canada

  7 Copy quote

• My parents migrated to Canada in 1876, and I decided to go with them.

  Stephen Leacock

  Parent, Canada, Decided

  Stephen Leacock (2014). “Sunshine Sketches of a Little Town”, p.4, The Floating Press

  5 Copy quote

• I owe a lot to my teachers and mean to pay them back some day.

  Stephen Leacock

  Teacher, Mean, Pay

  10 Copy quote

• It's called political economy because it is has nothing to do with either politics or economy.

  Stephen Leacock

  Political, Politics, Economy

  9 Copy quote

• We can no longer communicate with the apes by direct language, nor can we understand, without special study, their modes of communication which we have long since replaced by more elaborate forms. But it is at least presumable that they could still detect in our speech, at least when it is public and elaborate, the underlying tone values with which it began. Thus if we could take a gibbon ape to a college public lecture, he would not understand it, but he would "get a good deal of it." This is all the students get anyway.

  Stephen Leacock

  Communication, College, Long

  Stephen Leacock, Gerald Lynch (2002). “Leacock on Life”, p.60, University of Toronto Press

  10 Copy quote

• Humour is essentially a comforter, reconciling us to things as they are in contrast to things as they might be.

  Stephen Leacock

  Might, Humour, Contrast

  Stephen Leacock, Gerald Lynch (2002). “Leacock on Life”, p.84, University of Toronto Press

  9 Copy quote

• I've seen lifelong friends drift apart over golf just because one could play better, but the other counted better.

  Stephen Leacock

  Golf, Play, Lifelong

  Stephen Leacock, Gerald Lynch (2002). “Leacock on Life”, p.181, University of Toronto Press

  7 Copy quote

• Electricity is of two kinds, positive and negative. The difference is, I presume, that one comes a little more expensive, but is more durable; the other is a cheaper thing, but the moths get into it.

  Stephen Leacock

  Science, Two, Differences

  Stephen Leacock (1910). “Literary Lapses: A Book of Sketches”

  12 Copy quote

• Writing is no trouble: you just jot down ideas as they occur to you. The jotting is simplicity itself - it is the occurring which is difficult.

  Stephen Leacock

  Writing, Ideas, Simplicity

  Stephen Leacock, Gerald Lynch (2002). “Leacock on Life”, p.194, University of Toronto Press

  8 Copy quote

• Newspapermen learn to call a murderer "an alleged murderer" and the King of England "the alleged King of England" in order to avoid libel suits.

  Stephen Leacock

  Kings, Order, Suits

  9 Copy quote

• Astronomy teaches the correct use of the sun and the planets.

  Stephen Leacock

  Use, Sun, Astronomy

  1910 Literary Lapses,'A Manual of Education'.

  10 Copy quote

• Personally, I would sooner have written Alice in Wonderland than the whole Encyclopedia Britannica.

  Stephen Leacock

  Ignorance, Carpe Diem, Encyclopedia Britannica

  Stephen Leacock (2014). “Sunshine Sketches of a Little Town”, p.7, The Floating Press

  8 Copy quote

• The road comes to an end just when it ought to be getting somewhere. The passengers alight, shaken and weary, to begin, all over again, something else.

  Stephen Leacock

  Ends, Passengers, Weary

  Stephen Leacock (2012). “Feast of Stephen”, p.105, McClelland & Stewart

  9 Copy quote

• With the Great Detective, to think was to act, and to act was to think. Frequently he could do both together.

  Stephen Leacock

  Thinking, Together, Detectives

  Stephen Leacock (2009). “Nonsense Novels: Easyread Super Large 20pt Edition”, p.6, ReadHowYouWant.com

  14 Copy quote

• The Victorians needed parody. Without it their literature would have been a rank and weedy growth, over-watered with tears.

  Stephen Leacock

  Growth, Tears, Literature

  Stephen Leacock, Gerald Lynch (2002). “Leacock on Life”, p.131, University of Toronto Press

  11 Copy quote

• The student of arithmetic who has mastered the first four rules of his art, and successfully striven with money sums and fractions, finds himself confronted by an unbroken expanse of questions known as problems.

  Stephen Leacock

  Art, Unbroken, Four

  Stephen Leacock, Robertson Davies (1981). “The Penguin Stephen Leacock”, Penguin ; Markham, Ont. : Penguin Books Canada

  4 Copy quote

• It is difficult to be funny and great at the same time. Aristophanes and Moliere and Mark Twain must sit below Aristotle and Bossuet and Emerson.

  Stephen Leacock

  Mark, Difficult

  Stephen Leacock, Gerald Lynch (2002). “Leacock on Life”, p.84, University of Toronto Press

  7 Copy quote

• The great man... walks across his century and leaves the marks of his feet all over it, ripping out the dates on his goloshes as he passes.

  Stephen Leacock

  Greatness, Men, Feet

  1910 Literary Lapses,'The Life of John Smith'.

  7 Copy quote

• I admit that when the facts are not good enough, I always exaggerate them.

  Stephen Leacock

  Not Good Enough, Facts, Good Enough

  7 Copy quote

• Most people tire of a lecture in ten minutes; clever people can do it in five. Sensible people never go to lectures at all. But the people who do go to a lecture and who get tired of it, presently hold it as a sort of grudge against the lecturer personally. In reality his sufferings are worse than theirs.

  Stephen Leacock

  Clever, Tired, Reality

  Stephen Leacock (2014). “My Discovery of England”, p.101, The Floating Press

  5 Copy quote

• It is to be observed that 'angling' is the name given to fishing by people who can't fish.

  Stephen Leacock

  Lakes, Sea, Fishing

  Stephen Leacock (2010). “My Remarkable Uncle”, p.93, New Canadian Library

  9 Copy quote

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