Monty Quotes

• You know, there are many people in the country today who, through no fault of their own, are sane. Some of them were born sane. Some of them became sane later in their lives.

  Graham Chapman

  Country, People, Today

  "Monty Python's Flying Circus". TV Series, 1969 - 1974.

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• Kilimanjaro is a pretty tricky climb you know, most of it's up until you reach the very very top, and then it tends to slope away rather sharply.

  Graham Chapman

  Kilimanjaro, Tricky, Climbs

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• Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition.

  Graham Chapman

  Peace, Holy Grail, Spanish Inquisition

  "Monty Python's Flying Circus: The Spanish Inquisition". TV Series, www.imdb.com. 1970.

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• I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.

  Graham Chapman

  Mother, Father, Animal

  "Fictional character: Frenchman". "Monty Python and the Holy Grail", 1975.

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• I'm having Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, baked beans, Spam, Spam and Spam!

  Graham Chapman

  Spam

  "Song: Spam (Another Monty Python Record)". September 8, 1972.

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• Listen -- strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.

  Michael Palin

  Lying, Government, Holy Grail

  "Fictional character: Dennis". "Monty Python and the Holy Grail", 1975.

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• We are no longer the knights who say Ni! We are now the knights who say ekki-ekki-ekki-pitang-zoom-boing!

  Graham Chapman

  Change, Knights, Holy Grail

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• And now for something completely different...

  John Cleese

  Nudge Nudge, Holy Grail, Different

  "Q&A: And now for something completely John Cleese". Interview with Ian Brown, www.theglobeandmail.com. November 21, 2014.

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• Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government.

  Graham Chapman

  Lying, Government, Holy Grail

  "Fictional character: Dennis". "Monty Python and the Holy Grail", www.imdb.com. March 14, 1975.

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• What have the Romans ever done for us?

  John Cleese

  Holy Grail, Done, Rhetorical Question

  "Early On, Comedian John Cleese Says, He Had Good Timing But Little Else". "Fresh Air" with Dave Davies, www.npr.org. October 16, 2015.

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• All right, but apart from the sanitation, medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, the fresh water system and public health, what have the Romans ever done for us?

  John Cleese

  Wine, Order, Medicine

  "Fictional character: Reg". "Life of Brian", www.imdb.com. 1979.

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• A nod's as good as a wink to a blind bat!

  Eric Idle

  Nudge Nudge, Bats, Circus

  Graham Chapman, John Cleese, Eric Idle, Terry Gilliam, Terry Jones (2009). “Monty Python Live!”, Hyperion

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• First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three, no more-no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.

  Michael Palin

  Naughty, Sight, Hands

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• Always look on the bright side of life.

  Graham Chapman

  Positive Attitude, Positivity, Good As It Gets

  Graham Chapman (2001). “Monty Python's the life of Brian (of Nazareth)”, Methuen Pub Ltd

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• Nudge, nudge. Snap, snap. Grin, grin. Wink, wink, say no more? Could be, could be taken on holiday. Could be yes - swimming costumes. Know what I mean. Candid photography. Know what I mean, nudge nudge.

  Graham Chapman

  Mean, Nudge Nudge, Winking

  "Fictional character: Mr. Norman Nudge". TV Series "Monty Python's Flying Circus" ("How to Recognise Different Types of Trees from Quite a Long Way Away", 1969), www.imdb.com. 1969-1974.

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• This parrot is no more. It has ceased to be. It's expired and gone to meet its maker. This is a late parrot. It's a stiff. Bereft of life, it rests in peace. If you hadn't nailed it to the perch, it would be pushing up the daisies. It's rung down the curtain and joined the choir invisible. This is an ex-parrot.

  Graham Chapman

  Death, Rest In Peace, Would Be

  Graham Chapman, John Cleese, Eric Idle, Terry Gilliam, Terry Jones (2009). “Monty Python Live!”, Hyperion

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• I cut down trees, I skip and jump, I like to press wild flowers. I put on women's clothing and hang around in bars.

  Michael Palin

  Flower, Cutting, Tree

  "The Lumberjack Song". Song by Michael Palin, Terry Jones, Fred Tomlinson, November 14, 1975.

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• I mean, if I went 'round saying I was an emperor, just because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away!

  Graham Chapman

  Mean, Holy Grail, Peasants

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• Monty Python is like catnip for nerds. Once you get them started quoting it, they are constitutionally incapable of feeling depressed.

  Kevin Hearne

  Python, Feelings, Nerd

  Kevin Hearne (2011). “Hounded (with two bonus short stories): The Iron Druid Chronicles, Book One”, p.179, Del Rey

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• The earliest stand-up comedy I was aware of was Bill Cosby. I watched Saturday Night Live as soon as I was aware of it, and Monty Python used to be on PBS at weird hours, so I used to try to watch that. And I loved George Carlin on SNL, that was the first stand-up I ever really remember seeing on TV. And then Steve Martin. I guess I was in fifth or sixth grade when Steve Martin showed up, and he was instantly my idol. And Richard Pryor around the same time too, I sort of became aware of him, though I don't remember the first time I saw him.

  Louis C. K.

  Night, Idols, Pbs

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• If a song is funny and absurd, and it sounds great, it's just going to be that much funnier. And there's no better example of that than 'Monty Python.'

  Seth MacFarlane

  Song, Python, Sound

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• I have gone into town to buy a few last things we need for the expedition: Peruvian wasp repellent, toothbrushes, canned peaches, and a fireproof canoe. It will take a while to find the peaches, so don't expect me back until dinnertime. Stephano, Gustav's replacement, will arrive today by taxi. Please make him feel welcome. As you know, it is only two days until the expedition, so please work very hard today. Your giddy uncle, Monty

  Daniel Handler

  Uncles, Two, Needs

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• Who are you?" Violet asked. It is confusing to fall asleep in the daytime and wake up at night. "what are you doing with Uncle Monty's reptiles?" Klaus asked. It is also confusing to realize you have been sleeping on stairs, rather than in a bed or sleeping bag. "Dixnik?" Sunny asked. It is always confusing why anyone would choose to wear a plaid shirt.

  Daniel Handler

  Uncles, Fall, Sleep

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• Comedy. It was just huge in my house. Peter Sellers and Alec Guinness, Monty Python and all those James Bond movies were highly regarded.

  Mike Myers

  Python, Ties, House

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• If only Uncle Monty knew what we know," Violet said, "and Stephano knew that he knew what we know. But Uncle Monty doesn't know what we know, and Stephano knows that he doesn't know what we know." "I know," Klause said. "I know you know," Violet said

  Daniel Handler

  Uncles, Violet, Said

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