Why bad things happen to good people
If you talk bad about country music, it's like saying bad things about my momma. Them's fightin' words.
A wave of blood goes up to my head, my stomach shrinks together, as if something dangerous has just missed hitting me. It's as if I've been caught stealing, or telling a lie; or as if I've heard other people talking about me, saying bad things about me, behind my back. There's the same flush of shame, of guilt and terror, and of cold disgust with myself. But I don't know where these feelings have come from, what I've done.
You know that saying, bad things don't happen to good people? That's a lie.
I know there's a lot of competition in the world of magazines and newspapers and we have to make headlines and be sensational and sell, and saying bad things about me is going to sell more papers than writing good things about me.
I quit seeing some people who were saying bad things about women; I don't even want to meet them or see them.
I think the people I talk about are generally so stupid that they don't even know I'm saying bad things about them. I've run into Paris Hilton and she's like, Oh, I love your show. And I'm like, You can't love my show if you can hear.
I said, the pope is saying bad things about me the day before the election? And then I gathered myself, and I realized that it had to do with illegal immigration, that he was opposed to my measures, which is basically creating a border.
People are always saying bad things about them, but really they think they're just trying to clean up our planet. I'm not saying it's right but, you know, we could all benefit from following that example.
or simply:
