Management is nature's way of removing idiots from the productive flow.
Your inability to see other possibilities and your lack of vocabulary are your brain's limits, not the universe's.
Be careful that what you write does not offend anybody or cause problems within the company. The safest approach is to remove all useful information.
Dilbert: You joined the "Flat Earth Society?" Dogbert: I believe the earth must be flat. There is no good evidence to support the so-called "round earth theory." Dilbert: I think Christopher Columbus would disagree. Dogbert: How convenient that your best witness is dead.
As long as there are annoying people in the world, I won't run out of material.
The world isn't fair, but as long as it's tilting in my direction, I find that there's a natural cap to my righteous indignation.
Dogbert: So, Since Columbus is dead, you have no evidence that the earth is round. Dilbert: Look. You can Ask Senator John Glenn. He orbited the earth when he was an astronaut. Dogbert: So, your theory depends on the honesty of politicians. Dilbert: Yes... no, wait.
I'm predicting that we'll finally have a computer will search my e-mail automatically and delete every message that begins with 'thought you'd be interested,' and then give an electrical shock to the sender to remind him or her to stop send that kind of message.
We must develop knowledge optimization initiatives to leverage our key learnings.
I love magazines. It's such McNugget kind of information.
In less enlightened times, the best way to impress women was to own a hot car.
I think the pleasure of completed work is what makes blogging so popular. You have to believe most bloggers have few if any actual readers. The writers are in it for other reasons. Blogging is like work, but without coworkers thwarting you at every turn. All you get is the pleasure of a completed task.
As network administrator I can take down the network with one keystroke. It's just like being a doctor but without getting gooky stuff on my paws.
Your business clothes are naturally attracted to staining liquids. This attraction is strongest just before an important meeting.
A matador is a guy who didn't have enough people skills to be promoted to serial killer.
Swing your partner, dosey-do, now clap your hands... uh-oh, that's all the square dance moves I know... I'll bluff the rest. Slap your partner in the face, Write bad checks all over the place, Flirt with strangers, annoy your spouse, Get a divorce and lose your house, ...uh... dosey-do.
When virtual reality gets cheaper than dating, society is doomed.
By definition, risk-takers often fail. So do morons. In practice it's difficult to sort them out.
Never base your budget requests on realistic assumptions, as this could lead to a decrease in your funding.
Boss: I just heard that light travels faster than sound. I'm wondering if I should shout when I speak, just so my lips appear to sync-up with my words.
Writers tend to work early in the morning, or late at night, when brains are naturally able to focus deeply on one thought. In the middle of the day, distractions are unavoidable. I wonder if anything worthwhile has ever been written in the afternoon.
Your shower is ready - I turned it on last night.
I should have written that down. - Dilbert
I try to manage my day by my circadian rhythms because the creativity is such an elusive thing, and I could easily just stomp over it doing my administrative stuff.
I burned out my drawing hand by using it too much. The common word for it is writer's cramp. The fancy words for it are focal dystonia. The symptom in my case was a pinky finger that went spastic when I tried to draw.
Follow AzQuotes on Facebook, Twitter and Google+. Every day we present the best quotes! Improve yourself, find your inspiration, share with friends
or simply: