Everybody does that now. We all take pics... you do the same with holiday photos. You record something to look back on it, even though you’re not really there when you’re taking the picture 'cause you’re too busy recording it; so you retrospectively go to look back on where you weren’t and tell yourself you had a good time.
And yet, people still turn to Jesus. You will notice though that the kind of people who turn to Jesus tend to be the sort of people who haven't done that well with everybody else.
You're talking to a modern, nice, affable German person and they're saying to you something like 'You know, vell, it's a critical time now for Germany within Europe, also globally, economically ve are pretty good, ve have been better. But ve are very vibrant in the theater and arts...' and all the time you'll be listening to this, you're thinking Mmm, yeah, mmm... Hitler, Hitler, Hitler, Hitler, Hitler.
Money can't buy you love, but it can get you some really good chocolate ginger biscuits.
I'm quite a compulsive person-I only worked this out recently - I'm compulsive, but I'm also very indecisive. I don't know what I want, but I know that I want it now.
Fruit... it's just God showing off. "Look at all the colours I know!"
Oh how I hate you. I hate you so much it gives me energy. I have to get up early in the morning just to hate you, because there's not enough time in the day! Please GO AWAY!
You've a very important, early decision to make in your life: are you going to be alone, or are you going to be with somebody else? Are you going to be sane, or not lonely? A couple is a strange thing; it's an organism that's half as intelligent as the most intelligent member. And you both know who it is!
Why do I even dare to think I could dream I could imagine I could hope?!
It's true that I have spoken about doing a book before, but then everyone you speak to is planning to write a book.
Then you get these articles about how unhealthy life is in the city. You know; mobile phone tumours - far more likely in the city. Well you know what, so is everything else! Including sex, coffee and conversation.
I think you should, yeah. You should wash your beard, then shave it off, nail it to a Frisbee and fling it over a rainbow.
Organic? I grew up on Angel Delight. We didn't have anything in the house if it wasn't neon!
I'm a quitter. I come from a long line of quitters. It's amazing I'm here at all.
You cannot over estimate how infantile men are about sex! Men are people that have sex BECAUSE they have a headache... or are on fire, or have been shot in the head, or whatever it is!
I don't do drugs. If I want a rush I just stand up when I'm not expecting it.
Adulthood feels like walking around in the desert with a bag over your head, being bumped into by people who rob you as they bore you.
I'm a vegetarian, well I'm not hardcore because I eat meat, but only because I like the taste, and I hate vegetables on a personal level so I'm not too good!
Tequila? It's not even a drink. It's a way for having the cops around without using a phone.
I don't see teenagers anymore. I see... I see youths. Slumped S shapes in their hoodies, all huddled round a bin of burning grannies. All texting eachother because they've given up on speech.
Don't clap I'm not a jazz band for Christ's sake.
Cooking? Oh we were great, you'd take anything and melt cheese on it, and the one who could guess what it was didn't have to wash up!
Eggs! They're not a food, they belong in no group! They're just farts clothed in substance!
You're supposed to eat the cows. They're great big lumbering stupid things - they'd be everywhere if we didn't eat them.
You look like a horse in a man costume
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