Jeff Ross Quotes

Quotes about:

• Life is short. You have to be able to laugh at our pain or we never move on.

  Jeff Ross

  Pain, Moving, Life Is Short

  18 Copy quote

• The good thing about a jail show is nobody gets up and walks out.

  Jeff Ross

  Jail, Get Up, Good Things

  "Having Thick Skin Is A 'Survival Technique,' Says Comic Jeff Ross". "Fresh Air" with Terry Gross, wkar.org. January 2, 2017.

  4 Copy quote

• Instead of running for President, why don’t you try walking on a treadmill?

  Jeff Ross

  Running, Trying, President

  9 Copy quote

• Do you want me to apologize after every joke? If it doesn't offend somebody it's probably not a joke. It's probably an observation that's not funny. It's gotta offend somebody somewhere.

  Jeff Ross

  Want, Apologizing, Observation

  14 Copy quote

• I've always liked cops, as much as you can like a group of people, you know? Sure, I've been hassled, but I'm a white dude - privileged.

  Jeff Ross

  White, People, Groups

  Source: www.npr.org

  9 Copy quote

• With everybody having a Facebook and a Twitter, I feel like regular people consider themselves stars. It's a live, real-time upload of every time we buy a pair of socks, the most telling sign that we're losing our politeness. When you know everything about somebody, you can talk to them any way you please.

  Jeff Ross

  Stars, Real, People

  10 Copy quote

• People are not afraid to be very direct with police. And I think that's part of the problem is that people are angry at the cops and then the cops are stressed out and they, you know, pay it backwards, so to speak.

  Jeff Ross

  Thinking, People, Police

  Source: www.npr.org

  4 Copy quote

• I've actually tried to roast somebody that I don't like, and it doesn't go well. Either they're a bad sport or I'm not as funny as I could be.

  Jeff Ross

  Sports, Bad Grades, Wells

  "The Charlie Sheen Roast Preview". Interview with Peter Martin, www.esquire.com. September 18, 2011.

  14 Copy quote

• I had a life experience that most of my - that none of my friends had. I remember I became everybody's rabbi. Everybody who needed advice would talk to me, and it became an obvious thing.

  Jeff Ross

  Obvious Things, Advice, Remember

  Source: www.npr.org

  6 Copy quote

• How is it possible that Courtney Love looks worse than Kurt Cobain?

  Jeff Ross

  Looks, Cobain, Courtney

  "Comedy Central Roast of Pamela Anderson". Documentary, Comedy, www.imdb.com. 2005.

  11 Copy quote

• Life has to keep going, so you can either be a victim the rest of your life and let it drag you down into drugs and alcohol and depression or you can turn it into something good, fun even, you know, and I tell young people who are going through depression that this might be the most important time of your life. This might be what makes you a great artist later on.

  Jeff Ross

  Fun, Artist, People

  "Having Thick Skin Is A 'Survival Technique,' Says Comic Jeff Ross". "Fresh Air" with Terry Gross, weku.fm.

  4 Copy quote

• It really bothers me when some people say that all cops are racist. Of course that's not true. Most of you are just [expletive] to everybody.

  Jeff Ross

  People, Racist, Cop

  Source: www.npr.org

  8 Copy quote

• Comedy comes from pain, and no one knows that better than this woman Roseanne Barr—who was molested as a child. Uch. That poor molester. Roseanne never got over it. She felt violated. She had trust issues. She never got the candy he promised her.

  Jeff Ross

  Children, Pain, Issues

  8 Copy quote

• Charlie Sheen is to stand-up what Larry Flynt is to standing up.

  Jeff Ross

  Charlie, Standing, Larry

  "Charlie Sheen's Naughty, Bawdy Joke Man Reveals Surprising Secrets of the Tour (Exclusive Q&A)". Interview with Shirley Halperin, www.hollywoodreporter.com. May 2, 2011.

  4 Copy quote

• Maybe I'm corny, but I'm a big believer in second chances.

  Jeff Ross

  Second Chance, Corny, Bigs

  Source: www.npr.org

  6 Copy quote

• My life and my career have been a series of happy and not so happy accidents.

  Jeff Ross

  Careers, Happy Accidents, Has Beens

  "Having Thick Skin Is A 'Survival Technique,' Says Comic Jeff Ross". "Fresh Air" with Terry Gross, www.npr.org. September 13, 2016.

  9 Copy quote

• When I see a good singer, I get teary-eyed. Part of it is jealousy because all comedians are frustrated rock stars. That's a fact.

  Jeff Ross

  Stars, Rocks, Frustrated

  11 Copy quote

• I usually have sex to my stand-up comedy album. Power move.

  Jeff Ross

  Sex, Moving, Power Moves

  Source: www.spin.com

  8 Copy quote

• I'm pretty careful about the things I say ahead of time. I'm thoughtful about not going too far. The only thing you can do occasionally is be too much.

  Jeff Ross

  Thoughtful, Too Much, Careful

  "Having Thick Skin Is A 'Survival Technique,' Says Comic Jeff Ross". "Fresh Air" with Terry Gross, wutc.org. September 13, 2016.

  4 Copy quote

• Ninety percent of all prisoners in all jails get out some day. So why not give them a little levity in what's otherwise a very dark life?

  Jeff Ross

  Dark, Jail, Giving

  Source: www.npr.org

  4 Copy quote

• My parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles were all funny, and I felt that energy, that delivery, that timing, that sarcasm. All that stuff seeped into my brain.

  Jeff Ross

  Uncles, Sarcasm, Aunt

  "Comedy, Then and Now: Laughing With the Legends of Stand-Up From the 1800’s to 2010" by Steve North, www.huffingtonpost.com. August 6, 2010.

  58 Copy quote

• As soon as you start analyzing comedy is when the world starts to fall apart, and we're second guessing it. And we are way too sensitive.

  Jeff Ross

  Fall, World, Guessing

  Source: www.npr.org

  4 Copy quote

• The real question is how do you stay funny in your 70s and 80s? And that's a real accomplishment, you know, the longevity.

  Jeff Ross

  Real, Accomplishment, Longevity

  Source: www.npr.org

  4 Copy quote

• Comedians a lot of times we're on the road, we're by our self. We come home to New York to our empty one-bedroom apartment, you know, and we need a place to go where you see a bunch of other miserable people sit around and eat a corned beef sandwich.

  Jeff Ross

  New York, Home, Self

  Source: www.npr.org

  4 Copy quote

• Before you can be all deprecating it's helpful to be self-deprecating.

  Jeff Ross

  Self, Helpful, Self Deprecating

  Source: www.npr.org

  4 Copy quote

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