Yakov Smirnoff Quotes

• I believe that laughter is a language of God and that we can all live happily ever laughter.

  Yakov Smirnoff

  Happiness, Laughter, Believe

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• In every country, they make fun of city. In U.S. you make fun of Cleveland. In Russia, we make fun of Cleveland.

  Yakov Smirnoff

  Country, Fun, Russia

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• In America, you break law. In Soviet Russia, law breaks you! In America, you watch Big Brother. In Soviet Russia, Big Brother watch you!

  Yakov Smirnoff

  Brother, Russia, Law

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• Everybody laughs the same in every language because laughter is a universal connection.

  Yakov Smirnoff

  Funny, Happiness, Laughter

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• In Russia we only had two TV channels. Channel One was propaganda. Channel Two consisted of a KGB officer telling you: Turn back at once to Channel One.

  Yakov Smirnoff

  Funny, Russia, Two

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• In America, you can always find a party. In Soviet Russia, The Party can always find you!

  Yakov Smirnoff

  Funny, Party, Russia

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• Men and women are immigrants in each other's worlds.

  Yakov Smirnoff

  Men, World, Men And Women

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• I found out that when you get married the man becomes the head of the house. And the woman becomes the neck, and she turns the head any way she wants to.

  Yakov Smirnoff

  Men, House, Want

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• In America, you assassinate president. In Soviet Russia, president assassinate you!

  Yakov Smirnoff

  Russia, America, President

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• Many people are surprised to hear that we have comedians in Russia, but they are there. They are dead, but they are there.

  Yakov Smirnoff

  Funny, Humorous, Russia

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• I like American women. They do things sexually Russian girls never dream of doing - like showering.

  Yakov Smirnoff

  Girl, Dream, Comedy

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• Homosexuality in Russia is a crime and the punishment is seven years in prison, locked up with the other men. There is a three year waiting list.

  Yakov Smirnoff

  Funny, Gay, Men

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• I believe there is a direct correlation between love and laughter.

  Yakov Smirnoff

  Happiness, Laughter, Believe

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• If love is the treasure, laughter is the key.

  Yakov Smirnoff

  Love, Happiness, Laughter

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• The reason gas prices are so high is because the oil is in Texas and Oklahoma and all the dipsticks are in Washington.

  Yakov Smirnoff

  Oklahoma, Texas, Oil

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• Russian men have a saying: "Women are like buses..." That's it.

  Yakov Smirnoff

  Men, Bus

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• I believe that love and laughter can only happen when one person takes the time to think about what would cause the other person to feel good.

  Yakov Smirnoff

  Happiness, Laughter, Believe

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• We have been learning since we were children how to make money, buy things, build things. The whole education system is set up to teach us how to think, not to feel.

  Yakov Smirnoff

  Education, Children, Thinking

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• In today's society we sometimes forget to balance our hearts and our heads; this is the reason we stop laughing.

  Yakov Smirnoff

  Heart, Laughing, Balance

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• In America, your job determines your marks. In Soviet Russia, Marx determine your job!

  Yakov Smirnoff

  Jobs, Russia, America

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• In Soviet Russia, party always finds you!

  Yakov Smirnoff

  Party, Russia, Soviet

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• We may have forgotten how to feel. Nobody is teaching us how to live happily ever after, as we've heard in fairy tales.

  Yakov Smirnoff

  Teacher, Teaching, May

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• The ad in the paper said 'Big Sale. Last Week.' Why advertise? I already missed it. They're just rubbing it in.

  Yakov Smirnoff

  Funny, Paper, Lasts

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• It's kind of bittersweet. The human spirit is not measured by the size of the act, but by the size of the heart.

  Yakov Smirnoff

  Heart, Size, Spirit

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• Never having alone time is real tough on people.

  Yakov Smirnoff

  Real, People, Tough

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