I believe that laughter is a language of God and that we can all live happily ever laughter.
Everybody laughs the same in every language because laughter is a universal connection.
In every country, they make fun of city. In U.S. you make fun of Cleveland. In Russia, we make fun of Cleveland.
I was a comedian in Russia, and I worked on the cruise ships there. I met a lot of Americans, and they were laughing even though I didn't speak their language.
I believe there is a direct correlation between love and laughter.
If love is the treasure, laughter is the key.
Men and women are immigrants in each other's worlds.
In America, you break law. In Soviet Russia, law breaks you! In America, you watch Big Brother. In Soviet Russia, Big Brother watch you!
Homosexuality in Russia is a crime and the punishment is seven years in prison, locked up with the other men. There is a three year waiting list.
I believe that love and laughter can only happen when one person takes the time to think about what would cause the other person to feel good.
I found out that when you get married the man becomes the head of the house. And the woman becomes the neck, and she turns the head any way she wants to.
I like American women. They do things sexually Russian girls never dream of doing - like showering.
It's kind of bittersweet. The human spirit is not measured by the size of the act, but by the size of the heart.
We have been learning since we were children how to make money, buy things, build things. The whole education system is set up to teach us how to think, not to feel.
Never having alone time is real tough on people.
The reason gas prices are so high is because the oil is in Texas and Oklahoma and all the dipsticks are in Washington.
The ad in the paper said 'Big Sale. Last Week.' Why advertise? I already missed it. They're just rubbing it in.
My father described this tall lady who stands in the middle of the New York harbor, holding high a torch to welcome people seeking freedom in America. I instantly fell in love.
In Russia we only had two TV channels. Channel One was propaganda. Channel Two consisted of a KGB officer telling you: Turn back at once to Channel One.
I was not only typecast as a Russian, but I was typecast as Yakov Smirnoff. This is understandable, and I was very happy to get the roles, but it would be nice to be in a movie where I could be someone else.
We may have forgotten how to feel. Nobody is teaching us how to live happily ever after, as we've heard in fairy tales.
If you have something important to say, Broadway and New York are great places to say it.
Russian men have a saying: "Women are like buses..." That's it.
In America, you assassinate president. In Soviet Russia, president assassinate you!
In America, you drive car. In Soviet Russia, car drive you!
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