Jon Stewart Funny Quotes

Quotes about: Funny

• I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.

  Jon Stewart

  Funny, Thanksgiving, Holiday

• If it turns out that President Barack Obama can make a deal with the most intransigent, hard-line, unreasonable, totalitarian mullahs in the world but not with Republicans? Maybe he's not the problem.

  Jon Stewart

  Funny, Usa, America

• Thou shall not kill. Thou shall not commit adultery. Don't eat pork. I'm sorry, what was that last one?? Don't eat pork. God has spoken. Is that the word of God or is that pigs trying to outsmart everybody?

  Jon Stewart

  Funny, God, Sorry

• Happy Valentine's Day! And if this is news to you, my guess is you're probably alone. Valentine's Day is often times a, well, it's a manufactured day that really doesn't mean anything.

  Jon Stewart

  Funny, Valentine, Mean

• We declared war on terror-it's not even a noun, so, good luck.

  Jon Stewart

  Funny, War, Good Luck

  Commencement Address at The College of William & Mary, delivered 21 May 2004

• I've been to Canada, and I've always gotten the impression that I could take the country over in about two days.

  Jon Stewart

  Funny, Hilarious, Country

  "Vancouver Hockey Riot: Blame Canada!". ew.com. June 16, 2011.

• Christmas and the New Year are actually two holidays, so there is a plural, which in the English language necessitates the use of the letter "S." Now, I suppose you could say "Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year" but you probably have sh*t to do.

  Jon Stewart

  Funny, Christmas, New Year

  "The Daily Show's Stewart responds to O'Reilly's misleading attack". "The Daily Show" with Jon Stewart, www.mediamatters.org. December 7, 2005.

• That's the beauty of our show. Comedy or politics. We're sort of a mix. A space age polymer of both. A synthetic comedy-like material.

  Jon Stewart

  Funny, Space, Age

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

• Here’s how bizarre the war is that we’re in Iraq, and we should have known this right from the get-go: When we first went into Iraq, Germany didn’t want to go. Germany. The Michael Jordan of war took a pass.

  Jon Stewart

  Funny, War, Iraq

  Stand-up performance at RIT, 2005.

• We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we have been looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq. There's just one problem - it's in North Korea.

  Jon Stewart

  Funny, Gun, Iraq

• Donald Rumsfeld. Love him or hate him, you've gotta admit: a lot of people hate him.

  Jon Stewart

  Love, Funny, Hate

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