Will you lie to me and promise to read them? Books need to be read. The pages need to be turned.
I don't know why women are so mad about flowers. Personally, they leave me cold. I prefer trees.
Most social problems could be helped or prevented if people had more money and practical advice.
Every time I start a new piece of work, I spend a long while under the duvet thinking I can't do it.
I think we take it for granted that if you are with your husband after 30 years, then he is the love of your life.
Yes - I am usually overweight. I have had to be interested in diet because of being diabetic for 30 years and having kidney failure.
I have decided to be a poet. My father said there isn't a suitable career structure for poets and no pensions and other boring things, but I am quite decided.
My skin is dead good. I think it must be a combination of being in love and Lucozade.
I am the world's worst diabetic.
I asked Mr. Vann which O levels you need to write situation comedy for television. Mr. Vann said that you don't need qualifications at all, you just need to be a moron.
I never imagined when I began writing in the early 1960s I'd become professional and my life would be transformed.
I took my sight and mobility for granted.
I'd love a day devoid of responsibilities. I've often thought about going to a hotel just to have a day away from everything.
I'm spectacularly disorganised. I wrote my latest book in seven different notebooks scattered throughout my house.
Sometimes I rant, in a comical way, about how the gods give with one hand and take with the other.
Yes, I hate it when people call me a 'national treasure'. It takes away your bite and makes you feel like a harmless old golden Labrador.
I am from the working class. I am now what I was then. No amount of balsamic vinegar and Prada handbags could make me forget what it was like to be poor.
Barry Kent's father looks like a big ape and has got more hair on the back of his hands than my father has got on his entire head.
Love is the only thing that keeps me sane ...
It's no surprise to me that intellectuals commit suicide, go mad or die from drink. We feel things more than other people. We know the world is rotten and that chins are ruined by spots.
8.45 a.m. My mother is in the hospital grounds smoking a cigarette. She is looking old and haggard. All the debauchery is catching up with her.
Now I know I am an intellectual. I saw Malcolm Muggeridge on the television last night, and I understood nearly every word. It all adds up. A bad home, poor diet, not liking punk. I think I will join the library and see what happens.
There's only one thing more boring than listening to other people's dreams, and that's listening to their problems.
Adrian Mole's father was so angry that so many pepole got divorced nowadays. HE had been unhappilly married for 30 years, why should everybody else get away?
She liked people. Me, I can take them or leave them, but mostly leave them.
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